Sunday Schooled

21 Apr parenting, sunday schooled, family, dads, moms, kids, children, toddlers, church, holidays, easter, mass, religion

I’ve shared my thoughts about raising Detective Munch with religion before. I’ve even discussed why he was circumcised (COME AT ME, BRO!).

But as a Catholic so lapsed the term just plain doesn’t apply anymore, I’m a little conflicted. I definitely think some of the more universal values Christianity teaches (kindness, discipline, humility) do a kid good, and despite the problematic trappings, it’s a decent delivery system for them. And yet, he’s never been to church. Until yesterday.

Growing up, I went to Church every weekend, and my parents still do. And although I’m not sure how well years of catechism and church-going and Catholic high school did me, we are currently living with my parents. And “when in Rome,” right?

So went along to Easter mass. And my son took it about as seriously as I do. Consider Sunday schooled.

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Apartment Hunting, the Hard Way

18 Apr apartment hunting, apartment hunting in NYC, brooklyn, parenting, toddlers, children, kids, family, parenting, fatherhood, dad bloggers, humor, rent, money, stress

We’ve moved! Mostly.

Right now, we are in limbo at my parents in CT while I commute to Manhattan during the week and hunt for a Brooklyn apartment on the weekend. (Yup, from BK to NC and back again.) It’s stressful and exhausting and it generally sucks, for everyone except my son. He gets to spend all day with Grandma, gorging on juice boxes and cracker parties and chocolate chip cookies. He’s like a pig in shit. But he’s wiping my parents out.

To offer them a reprieve, sometimes Detective Munch comes down to NYC too. And if you thought apartment hunting in NYC was hard, try doing it with a 3yo by your side.

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[E-card] Panic Buttons

16 Apr

elevator ecard51 [E card] Panic Buttons

Lab Brats

14 Apr daily show, fox news, limbaugh, sound and fury, macbeth, parenting, experts, parenting experts, ny times, new york times, moms, dads, kids, learning,, experimentation, lab rats, lab brats, parenting techniques, science

Over the weekend, I read a couple of parenting articles in The New York Times.

It was some intense reading full of hardcore facts and figures and suggestions and techniques, and I came away from it thinking that I have no idea what I’m doing as a parent. Which is totally cool, because I already knew that. It helped to discover that, judging by the articles, no one else knows what they’re doing either.

But thank God I don’t believe in parenting experts because even if I did, I have no idea how I’d be expected to even remember all the so-called “best” techniques, let alone have the wherewithal and discipline to implement them.

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Life is a Carnival

11 Apr amusement park, parenting, stress, funny, dad blogger, kids, toddlers, prison, stress, entertainment, family, humor, lifestyle, vacation, money

Everyone knows that living with a toddler isn’t all fun and games. In fact, I’ve spent a fair amount of time whining about the fact that it’s NO fun and games.

Today I’m going to let you in on a little secret: it’s SOME fun and games.

A lot of it is stressful and loud and crowded and dirty, but the good parts make it all worth it. So, no: living with a toddler is NOT like being in prison (except when it is). It’s actually more like going to an amusement park.

Allow me to explain…

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Toddlers and Technology

9 Apr

iPhone Venn31 Toddlers and Technology

Skeletons in the Coffin

7 Apr parenting, secrets, confessions, buried secrets, skeletons in the closet, parents, moms, dads, kids, hide, funny

As I suggested last week, every parent has secrets. Unfortunately, not every parent has a blog via which they can express their innermost feelings under sarcastic cover (I swear!) and therefore escape the wrath of their spouse and children and the authorities.

Understanding this, I have created a “Buried Secrets” forum, this well of souls, where any parent who feels the need to can get something off their chest without fear of judgment (you know how we feel about that) or embarrassment or the NSA.

Just kidding, I can’t hide from them! Thankfully they already know all of our secrets anyway.

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The Secrets That I Keep

3 Apr secret, ecard, mad men, secrets, parenting, lies, lying, omission, lie by omission, moms, dads, funny, humor, dad blogger, drinking, TV, Don Draper, Jon Hamm, AMC, children, family, fatherhood, motherhood, discipline, morals, experience, truth

Everyone has secrets, including parents. Especially parents!

Part of being a good parent is teaching your children right from wrong. In order to do that, they have to believe that you occupy the moral high ground and that you have the authority to judge what is right and what is wrong. You can do this in two ways: you can explain that you learned the difference over a lifetime of your own experimentation and your own failures and your own mistakes – which will backfire until your kid is at least 25 and finally understands just enough about life that he realizes the truth behind that; OR, you can lie. Mostly by omission.

The more your kids know about you, the harder your job will be. Trust me. I’m a regular Don Draper at home; my son has no idea what my real name is and I smoke like a chimney.

Here’s a list of some of the secrets that I keep from my son, and will continue to keep, at least until he’s old enough to hear them over a few beers.

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[E-card] Who’s the Boss?

2 Apr

Boss of Me E card2 [E card] Whos the Boss?

Pre-Natal Post: “Getting a Blown Job”

1 Apr parenting, dad blogger, intrepid media, joe procopio, dads, blow job, blown job, humor, april fools, sarcasm, archives

Years ago, before I had a blog, I wrote for an online magazine called Intrepid Media. It had a small but dedicated following, and my style was much the same as it is now: bitter, sarcastic, something of a put-on, just less-developed and almost completely non-child related. I didn’t have a kid yet, so the topics were more varied, if you think writing about being irrationally angry about many different things qualifies as variety.

I thought I’d occasionally re-post an article from the now defunct magazine. Why? I’m not sure. They are old – I wrote a column a month for about 10 years, before stopping in early 2011 (give-or-take one or two more) – and dated and re-reading them makes me cringe, but whatever, sometimes you need to re-post old stuff just fill out a week.

This one seems appropriate for several reasons, which may or may not become apparent when you finish reading it. Enjoy! Or don’t enjoy, because either way, without Intrepid Media and the posts that will be featured in this new “series,” I would never have met Mom and Buried. And Detective Munch would not exist. The writing is just gravy.

And so, the first Pre-Natal post.

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