According to the hourly reminders that someone set on my phone, Mother’s Day is this weekend. It’s the one solitary day all year long that anyone ever says anything nice about moms.
That last line there was a little bit of sarcasm. Because let’s face it, when it comes to parenting, moms already get all the praise.
Sure, that “praise” often calcifies into “being taken for granted,” which is just about complaint #1 from women everywhere (along with “I want more romance/passion!” and “socks go IN the hamper, not NEAR the hamper!”) but if you think about it, it’s a positive thing! Abilities and skills are only taken for granted once someone comes to rely on them. Kudos, moms everywhere! You’ve raised the bar for yourselves.
Unfortunately, that bar is just a little too high for your liking. So I’m going to level the playing field.
The Buried clan spent the last week in Turks and Caicos! (Visit my Instagram page to hear me rub it in your face.)
We had a great trip, made lots of memories, spent way too much money, and got home in one piece. Despite the two flights that book-ended the excursion.
All things considered, the two four-hour flights went pretty well. The Hammer slept (mostly) the whole time, Detective Munch behaved (mostly) the whole time. I didn’t give out any goody bags in a passive-aggressive attempt to stand up for all parents who get hassled on planes. And I didn’t deprive my five-year-old of technology in an attempt to see how long I could go without getting punched.
I did change a blowout at 35,000 feet, which I’m pretty disgusted by/proud of. And that wasn’t even one of the ten best things about flying with children!
I’m not so sure Pee-wee Herman is a great role model for my kids. (Let’s not get into Paul Reubens.) He’s dresses like an idiot, he sounds like an idiot, and he acts like an idiot.
Wait. Now I understand why my five-year-old likes him so much. They’re both idiots!
The least I can do is have some fun with it. Thanks to Netflix, I did!
Recently, Detective Munch got in trouble at school.
He gets in trouble at school every once in a while, but it’s mostly with both the same frequency of trouble and of the same variety of “trouble” that most five-year-olds get into. He doesn’t pay attention to the teachers, he goofs around with his friends and acts silly, he put his fingers in someone else’s mouth. You know, typical behavior.
But last week he did something a little bit more serious, and in an attempt to let him know that such behavior is unacceptable, Mom and Buried and I were forced to lay down the law. Of course, there are only so many ways to discipline a five-year-old, and a lot of the time you end up wondering who’s being punished.
Discipline is a double-edged sword.
We’re going on a family vacation in two weeks!
That’s right, at the end of April, we will be visiting a tropical island to soak up the sun and relax for a few days. But don’t be too jealous, it’s called a “family vacation” because for some reason we’re bringing both kids.
I might get accidentally lost in the airport and send Mom and Buried alone.
I have two kids now. I’ve never been more of an expert on what it takes to be exhausted and annoyed 24/7.
Which makes today the perfect time for another round of my unprofessional, ill-considered, potentially criminal parenting advice! (Check out all of the previous installments.)
And I actually got a handful of solid questions! Too solid, really. It was a struggle to make fun of them! It’s almost like you people are starting to take me seriously. STOP IT.