A good friend of mine just had his first baby.
Yesterday, in honor of the happy occasion, I pumped the brakes on my signature snark and shared a rare cheesy post, about some of the the unexpected pleasures of fatherhood. Then I went home, told my son to stop doing something, and had this exchange:
“Because I said so!”
“That’s not a reason.”
Needless to say, today I’m back to my old self.
Kids have an endless capacity for repetition.
I dare you to count how many times yours say “no” or “why” over the course of an afternoon, or how often they want to watch another episode of “Octonauts” or “Rescue Bots”. Sometimes even the same episode!
Children just don’t seem to get sick of things. Parents, on the other hand…
Sometimes you just get lucky.
In my ongoing attempt to become the primary destination for parents who want to talk shit about their children, I am occasionally afforded some fun opportunities from brands who have a sense of humor or who haven’t actually read my blog. I got to participate in a photo shoot with Dove Men+ Care, I’ve written about some cool products, I’ve even been on a podcast or two. (Not lately though, AHEM!)
Every now and again, someone will reach out with an offer that seems to have little connection to my blog or even my life, like when a company that makes air purifiers asked me if I’d like to try one of their products.
You wouldn’t think such a thing was necessarily in line with my content, and normally it wouldn’t be. But as “luck” would have it, Detective Munch had just gotten some bad news from the allergist…
“If you want the unvarnished truth, ask a child.”
So the saying goes, or, at least, so the tweet goes (I’ve seen that one a few times), and it’s true. In fact, you don’t even have to bother asking a child. A child will come up to you, unprompted, and lay you bare in an instant, without a second thought, without even bothering to look back at the mound of ash left in his wake.
Why is honesty a virtue again? I don’t want my kid to be a liar, but a little bit of tact wouldn’t kill anybody.
Especially me. I’m really fragile right now.
I’m not going to say that trying to forge good relationships with your kids, even being pals with them, is detrimental. I don’t believe it is unless it goes off the rails, the lines get blurred, and you start buying them beer and throwing them sex parties.
Call me crazy, but I’m gonna give most parents the benefit of the doubt that we’re going to prioritize being parents over being pals, and that we’re not going to act like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls just to feel cool.
Still, we may be overestimating ourselves a bit. Maybe the question isn’t whether if you should be friends with your kids, maybe it’s whether you can actually stay friends with them.
The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club. The first rule of Bite Club is you never stop talking about Bite Club.
Seriously, if someone bites you, scream bloody murder and alert everyone in your vicinity! Biting is NOT acceptable, even if you’re just a toddler.
Because I don’t care if you’re Batman: getting bit HURTS.