Over the past 6-7 years or so, I’ve picked up a lot of new terms that I wish I’d never learned. Terms like “date night” and “broker fee” and “Snooki.”
But over the past 8 months, I’ve been adding a more and more esoteric collection of words, phrases and terms to my vocabulary. Just this past weekend I had to repeatedly say and understand phrases like “butt paste” and “Bumbo.” Not to mention “kegels” and “onesie” and “moderation.”
My friends who already have kids love threatening me that my life will soon be dominated by my kid and everything that comes along with having one, my new vocabulary being the least of it.
I can’t say that I’ve totally accepted this new reality, but I’m definitely aware of it. How could I not be? My apartment is overrun with baby supplies, my weeknights and weekends are spent shopping at Babies ‘R Us and Buy Buy Baby, and my bank statement is loaded with baby-related expenditures. And I don’t even HAVE the kid yet!
My wife and I are focused on not becoming those people that are unable to speak intelligently about anything that doesn’t concern their kids, and most of our friends are well aware of my firm anti-baby pictures stance. It’s not going to be easy, either to avoid talking about this new entity that invades my living space, or to distribute pictures of it, since he is going to be so incredibly good-looking he’ll turn other male babies gay.
But I’m gonna try. And the next time someone mentions something baby-related to me, they’d better be talking about Dirty Dancing.