The Bedtime Battle

The Bedtime Battle

No kid likes going to bed.

My 6-year-old could be in the middle of getting waterboarded and he’d rather stick that out than have to brush his teeth and go to his room. As such, he’s become a master at putting it off, and at turning every bedtime into a battle.

Every night, when bedtime approaches, he suddenly becomes possessed with the need to do things. Anything. EVERYTHING.

Unfortunately, this includes making Daddy angry.

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The End of The Laziness

The End of The Laziness

Everybody loves a rainy weekend.

You wake up a little later than normal, you stay in your pajamas a lot later than normal, you lounge in bed or on your couch with a big mug of hot coffee, under a blanket, and you watch some mindless TV, or a some movies you’ve seen a hundred times. It’s glorious.

Unless you have kids, in which case none of that will ever happen ever again for the rest of your entire life.

Because kids don’t let you be lazy.

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Baby-Proofing Won’t Save You

Baby-Proofing Won’t Save You

This is my second baby, so I’ve been through this all before. I’ve seen things I can’t un-see. But experience isn’t fool-proof. And it’s definitely not baby-proof.

Babies be stupid. Babies be fragile. Babies be trippin’! Baby-proofing won’t save you.

There are so many things that can go wrong when you have a baby in the house, the best thing you can do is try not to think about it too much. Anyway, here’s a list of some of them. Happy holidays!

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Kids Will Surprise You

Kids Will Surprise You

Kids will surprise you.

About two years ago, a casting director from David “The Wire” Simon’s new show accosted me and Detective Munch (as we were walking down our street) and asked if he would be willing to appear in a scene. One of their actors had gotten sick and they wanted to film my son as he pretended to sleep. Easy-peasy!

I was ecstatic. Finally, my kid was gonna be a star, and my golden ticket, and it was all going to start with an appearance in the next project by the creator of my favorite TV show of all time! And then my then four-year-old started screaming. And screaming. And screaming. And the casting directed started backing away, and away, and away. Just like that, my hopes were dashed.

Along with any potential college fund for my selfish little dream killer.

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