Have I Already Ruined My Kids?

Have I Already Ruined My Kids?

If you’ve read this blog before, you’re probably no stranger to my anxiety as a parent. If you are a parent, you’re probably no stranger to it either. Parenting makes paranoids out of all of us.

In the past I’ve written about the general stresses of the gig, and I’ve occasionally focused on my fear over my own shortcomings, and how they might affect my kids. lately, I’ve been less concerned about how my parenting might eventually ruin my children, and more worried that it already has.

Have I already ruined my kids?

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Control Freak-Out

Control Freak-Out

There are a lot of things I don’t want my kids to become. Bullies, jerks, people who say “All Lives Matter”, Republicans, Jets fans… a lot of things.

Not all of them are within our control, but a few might be. Preventing him from being spoiled, teaching him to be kind and grateful are others. Those are things parents can influence. Right? Maybe? Please?

Help. I think I’m having a control freak-out.

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Mo Kids Mo Problems

Mo Kids Mo Problems

Parenting is stressful.

It’s challenging, it’s tiring, and worst of all, it’s important. I don’t care if you have one kid, two kids, five kids, or are the Duggars. Being a parent is like living inside a pressure cooker. And, it gets hotter every day.

Especially when you turn up the heat by having multiple children. You know what they say: Mo kids mo problems!

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Coal Miner’s Father

Coal Miner’s Father

It’s a fool’s errand to try to predict your kid’s future when he’s still in kindergarten, but that doesn’t stop parents from losing their minds over particular talents they spot in their children.

Detective Munch is not even six. Neither he nor I has any idea what he’s going to be into down the line, but so far his favorite subject at school seems to be science, and, besides being a pain in the ass, his greatest talent seems to be in getting dirty.

Luckily, I may have found a job for him that combines both of those things!

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Terrible Thoughts Only Parents Have

Terrible Thoughts Only Parents Have

Parents aren’t special. Having children doesn’t make you a hero. To paraphrase Furious Styles, any fool can make a baby, it takes a real parent to raise kids.

It also takes a real parent to think horrifying thoughts about their kids. And if that’s the primary criterion by which parenting is measured, I’m pretty sure I’m the world’s greatest dad. Because I’m a horrible person!

For proof, witness this list of terrible thoughts only parents have, and that it’s possible only this parent has, because I’m deranged. But that’s why you love me!

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