The New Year’s Resolutions Every Parent Wishes Their Kid Made

The New Year’s Resolutions Every Parent Wishes Their Kid Made

We’re only three days into the new year, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve already broken your resolutions. Of course, if you’re exactly like me, you never bothered making any resolutions in the first place because ew.

I’ve never found them helpful, personally, but I do wish I could get Detective Munch to make a few. Despite my best parenting efforts, there are some things he still needs to commit to that would improve quality of life for both of us in 2017!

You’re not gonna believe this, but I went ahead and made a list of them.

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Baby-Proofing Won’t Save You

Baby-Proofing Won’t Save You

This is my second baby, so I’ve been through this all before. I’ve seen things I can’t un-see. But experience isn’t fool-proof. And it’s definitely not baby-proof.

Babies be stupid. Babies be fragile. Babies be trippin’! Baby-proofing won’t save you.

There are so many things that can go wrong when you have a baby in the house, the best thing you can do is try not to think about it too much. Anyway, here’s a list of some of them. Happy holidays!

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How to Distract Kids From “President Donald Trump”

How to Distract Kids From “President Donald Trump”

There are a lot of posts going around from shell-shocked, well-meaning parents, discussing ways to talk to our kids about the fact that Donald Trump was elected President. (This is a good one.) There’s much to unpack: how he won, why he won, what this means for the future of our country, what it means about the present of our country, etc.

I have no answers to any of that (except the last one: there are a lot of ignorant and/or racist and/or misogynistic and/or short-sighted people in America). My oldest is only six years old, and while Detective Munch may not know much about politics or elections, he knows a bully when he sees one. He knows Trump is a mean, angry name-caller, even without the “benefit” of understanding the constant bigotry, misogyny, and xenophobia that comes out his mouth.

What he doesn’t know is why the country would elect someone like Donald Trump to lead it. And neither do I. So I’m not going to bother trying.

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Scarier Than Halloween

Scarier Than Halloween

Halloween stops being scary once you hit a certain age. Unless you’re a woman, then it never stops being scary. For multiple reasons.

As a parent, there are countless things to be afraid of. But monsters and zombies and expensive vinyl outfits that rip as you take them out of their packaging are pretty far down the list. (They didn’t even make my list.)

I made a new list of things that I, as the parent of a six-year-old and a baby, find much scarier than Halloween.
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It Takes a Village Idiot

It Takes a Village Idiot

Parenting is not always easy.

It takes a village to raise a child, they say, and while lately it seems that the villagers are more likely to come at you with pitchforks than to help you raise a barn, there are still benefits to being part of a broader community.

The internet makes it possible to judge with impunity, but it also allows us to witness and praise – or repudiate – countless different parenting techniques (and potentially adopt them as our own). Even better, from time to time, it provides both anonymous solidarity and gleeful Schadenfreude.

Especially if you follow me.

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