A Pledge to Parents of Only Children

A Pledge to Parents of Only Children

I’ve been a parent to an only child (single-child parent?) for five years now.

When I envisioned having kids, back in my salad days of youth and freedom, I always saw myself having at least two. I have siblings, and despite the occasional incident (like when one brother accidentally tore my hair up with an electric shoe shiner, or another brother accidentally almost cost me a finger with a pair of scissors), I enjoy having siblings. Ergo, I wanted my kids to have siblings. Case closed.

But life got in the way, circumstances demanded compromise, and for a while it seemed like Detective Munch would be it for us. As you probably know already, the times, they are a-changing.

This is my pledge not to change with them.

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Allergic Reaction

Allergic Reaction

Every once in a while, particularly during the back-to-school season, we see a flurry of blog posts and articles about allergies.

The posts typically concern one of two things, depending on the proclivities of the author:

1) Please don’t bring [this thing that my child is deathly allergic to] to school, I’m begging you! or;
2) Whatever, I don’t care if your kid dies.

My son has a pretty severe tree nut allergy. Guess which category this post falls into?

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You’re a Good Parent

You’re a Good Parent

I don’t know you. And I don’t know your kids.

I have no idea what they’re like, how they act in public, at restaurants, in movie theaters. I don’t know if they have good manners, if they curse, if they listen to you more than they don’t, if they eat their dinners without argument and clean their rooms when asked.

I’ve never met you and probably never will. I couldn’t pick you out in a lineup. (I hope you’re not in any line-ups.) I don’t know if you’re quick to yell, or if you’re lazy, or if you’re neglectful.

But that doesn’t matter. I know you’re a good parent.

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Terrible Tips for Flying with Kids

Terrible Tips for Flying with Kids

On Tuesday, the Huffington Post shared an article called “9 Things Kids Can Play With In-flight That Don’t Involve Technology” and I’m still laughing at this list.

I’ve read a lot of stupid things in my life, many of them on this very blog. But I’m not sure I’ve read anything quite this delusional lately. (And I once compared my son to a bird!)

I may not truck with parents apologizing for flying with kids, but I would never willfully abuse my fellow passengers. Which is essentially what these suggestions boil down to.

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Not So Fast

Not So Fast

We didn’t post one of those September/June, then/now photo comparisons.

Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You’re on Facebook; those things are everywhere.

It’s rare to find a parent who didn’t measure the passage of time by juxtaposing pictures of their kid’s first day of school in September with their kid’s last day of school in June. And then, with a mixture of pride (“He did it!”) and petulance (“He’s growing up too fast!”), they bemoan the passage of time, whine about how fast it’s all going, and bitch about how quickly kids grow up.

I call bullshit.

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