The Gift of Convenience

The Gift of Convenience

As you may know, I spent last week in Turks and Caicos.

It was gorgeous. Warm and sunny and, aside from the pristine ocean and the hotel pools, dry. Mom and Buried and Detective Munch started our last day in the warm tropical water and ended our last day in the cold, miserable rain outside Newark airport. It was quite the jarring shift, especially when the rain continued all weekend.

Further dampening (NAILED IT!) my mood was the realization that Mother’s Day is around the corner. I was exhausted (vacation with kids is no joke), and had little motivation to leave the house. Especially not in the rain.

But I had to go shopping.

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Yo-kai Watch and Learn

Yo-kai Watch and Learn

Every parent dreads the day they can no longer relate to their kids.

Every parent worries that, sooner than later, their kids will transition out of interest in the things their mom and dad are interested in and begin cultivating their own unique pursuits and hobbies. Every parent dreads the day their kids make them feel old and out of touch.

All three of those days came for me over the weekend, courtesy of Yo-kai Watch!

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The Worst Gifts to Get Kids

The Worst Gifts to Get Kids

This isn’t about dangerous toys. I honestly wouldn’t even know where to begin such a list. When I was a kid, if you wore a bike helmet you were King Dork of Nerd Mountain. Nowadays, you need a helmet just to ride the school bus or you’ll end up suing the NFL. The standards for safety have changed so drastically that I’ve pretty much stopped giving my kid anything that has corners. I’m not even joking: my son has never had a Saltine. NOTHING BUT RITZ.

Instead, this list is about the worst gifts for kids. Not all kids, like I said, I can’t speak to that. But the worst gifts to buy your own children. I don’t give a shit what my neighbors give their kids. At least not until my son sees whatever cool new toy Rohan-across-the-street’s parents bought him and starts waking me up in the middle of the night screaming for it.

I swear to god, last week I found my kid at his little desk with a stack of papers with “No ‘Jake and the Neverland Pirates’ Hideout Toy Makes Me a Dull Boy” scribbled all over them in crayon. He wrote “NAP RETEP” in red lipstick on the back of my bedroom door. It was fucking terrifying.

When did Christmas become so cutthroat?

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The Vengeful Wife’s Holiday Gift Guide

The Vengeful Wife’s Holiday Gift Guide

Moms, I know you love your kids. But don’t you kind of wish you didn’t have to go through pregnancy to get them? I know you love your husbands too, but isn’t it frustrating that they don’t have to experience the grueling marathon of labor?

Damn right it is.

Mom and Buried is at the tail end of a grueling year, and (after you take into account her irresistible looks) she has no one to blame for it but the guy who knocked her up. I know how hard the last nine months have been on Mom and Buried, so you can’t tell me she wouldn’t love a little revenge. I bet you all would.

This holiday season, you’re in luck!

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