Five Ways Kids Are Like Dogs

Five Ways Kids Are Like Dogs

Full disclosure: I’ve done it myself.

Years ago, in my cynical pre-fatherhood stage, I compared babies to pets. Unfavorably, because at least pets have, as I wrote at the time, “furry upside.”

I stand by that, as I enjoy my still cynical mid-fatherhood stage. In many ways, pets are more rewarding than babies. Obviously, babies evolve, and eventually having a child has advantages over owning a dog or a cat (don’t even talk to me about birds and fish and gerbils and hamsters). Eventually.

Right now, I have a toddler. And sometimes I might rather have a puppy.

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Me Toddler. You Jane.

Me Toddler. You Jane.

Children don’t understand decorum.

They don’t know that society has rules. That society demands you behave in a certain way in certain places. It’s called being civilized.

Children are not civilized. My two-year-old might as well be a rabid animal most of the time.

Getting him to behave the way one is supposed to behave is impossible.

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Fear By Proxy

Fear By Proxy

When I was a kid, my biggest fear was being kidnapped. I mean, who wouldn’t want this little heartthrob cooling up their house?

jean jacket, yearbook, junior high, parenting, toddlers, cool, 80s, 1980s, mike julianelle

As I grew up and that terrifying two-part episode of Diff’rent Strokes faded from my memory, the whole kidnapping fear evaporated. Other anxieties emerged and receded through the years until I became quite fearless… provided I’d had ten beers and you agreed to no punches to the face or groin.

Then I had a kid. And I became fearmore.

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Must Love Tolerate Dogs

Must Love Tolerate Dogs

When my wife and I moved in together, one of the first things we did was get a cat. (The next 500 things we did were have arguments about what we would name the cat.)

The cat and I were best buds. The cat and my wife were frenemies. The cat and the world-at-large were chilly acquaintances. The cat and my son? Unfortunately, they never had a chance to get to know each other.

Now that he’s getting a little older, that’s something I want to correct.

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