Things Parents Wish We Could Get Away With

Things Parents Wish We Could Get Away With

Parenting comes with a lot of rules.

Whether you’re a strict mom or a cool dad (or vice-versa!), when it comes to raising kids, there are a million dos and don’ts. Some of them are universal (do feed them, don’t show them pornography, do brush their teeth, don’t let them drive, etc.) and some of them differ by household (for example, you don’t let your kids watch TV, whereas my 6-year-old woke up with nightmares about last week’s Legion; to each their own!)

But in our weakest moments, and we all have them, every parent wants to ditch the rule book. Every parent wishes there were certain things s/he could get away with, if not for society and laws and potentially scarring/endangering our kids.

What kinds of things? I’m glad you asked!

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The Neverending Story

The Neverending Story

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”

That famous quote is from The Godfather: Part III, and is a reference Michael Corleone finding it impossible to escape the mob life and go legit, but it also easily applies to my life as a parent (except for the number three part, because there ain’t no way I’m having a third!).

When you have kids, you’re always grasping for the light at the end of the tunnel, even while the tunnel keeps stretching further and further into the distance.

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Bad Behavior May Pay Off!

Bad Behavior May Pay Off!

One of the great lies that many parents tell themselves is that their kid is perfect.

You know how it is — they’re your little angel and can do no wrong. They’re the cutest baby in the world, and you’re pretty certain they started walking and talking before everyone else’s baby because they’re so smart. Bow down before the greatest child who has ever lived!

This delusion gets harder to maintain as your child gets older and the things they can — and do — do wrong start piling up. Luckily, there’s a chance their insufferable behavior will set them up for success!

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The Bedtime Battle

The Bedtime Battle

No kid likes going to bed.

My 6-year-old could be in the middle of getting waterboarded and he’d rather stick that out than have to brush his teeth and go to his room. As such, he’s become a master at putting it off, and at turning every bedtime into a battle.

Every night, when bedtime approaches, he suddenly becomes possessed with the need to do things. Anything. EVERYTHING.

Unfortunately, this includes making Daddy angry.

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The New Year’s Resolutions Every Parent Wishes Their Kid Made

The New Year’s Resolutions Every Parent Wishes Their Kid Made

We’re only three days into the new year, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve already broken your resolutions. Of course, if you’re exactly like me, you never bothered making any resolutions in the first place because ew.

I’ve never found them helpful, personally, but I do wish I could get Detective Munch to make a few. Despite my best parenting efforts, there are some things he still needs to commit to that would improve quality of life for both of us in 2017!

You’re not gonna believe this, but I went ahead and made a list of them.

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