Baby Names and Slop Culture

I was going to post about an apparent allergy my son may have. What with Tuesday’s post about his first fever, today’s allergy post would have made this “Sickness Week” on Dad and Buried.

Fortunately for anyone excited about that theme, this impromptu post fits right in. Because when my wife told me the news that inspired it, I nearly threw up.

The Social Security Administration released the list of 2010’s most popular baby names today. And the top two were clearly inspired by “Twilight.”

I guess, if you want to give “Jacob” the benefit of the doubt, you can call it a Biblical name, but either way it’s from a sensationalistic best-seller featuring overwrought, absurd plotting, terrible dialogue and cheesy-ass depictions of vampires.

Apparently, according to the “Today” show, there are a few other fast-risers among baby names that can be traced to yet another terrible example of the worst pop culture has to offer. One of the names featured on the MTV Sign of the Apocalypse “Teen Mom,” Maci, is climbing up the list. Because if you can’t name your child after Mormon werewolves and submissive vampire groupies, then naming them after someone famous for being an irresponsible stupid asshole is your next best move.

It’s times like these I’m happy the wife and I stuck to our guns and chose a name for our son that can’t be traced to any flash-in-the-pan pop culture fads. I mean, how pissed are the kids named after Ethan Rom going to be, especially after they see the “Lost” finale? And Jayden? Not such a cool name when you’re a cashier at Bojangles and not starring in blockbusters with your dad.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that there will never be a reality show or a teeny-bopper pop idol with the name Nilbog. Unless Troll 2 gets remade by MTV. Which – now that they’ve re-purposed “Teen Wolf” – doesn’t actually seem so unlikely.


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