It’s been a while since I’ve offered my uniquely unqualified parenting advice to my readers, mostly because no one asks e any questions. I can’t blame them; I’m a moron and some of this stuff could get you killed.

But there are a few submissions I haven’t gotten to yet – including one about the nightmare that is reading to your child – so I thought I’d handle them today. With any luck I’ll solve a problem or two! But probably not.

And remember, if you’re at the end of your rope and are willing to try anything, you can submit your questions here.

Dear Dad and Buried,

Any kids books out there that don’t absolutely blow? Every time I buy one for my 2-yr old on a friend’s recommendation, I lose a friend. Is it me or is it them? PS Is that a pic of you and your baby on your blog’s front page? PPS not a huge fan of 80% of your posts, but I like the rest.

– xoxo, Sasha

Dear Sasha,

No.

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed,

– Dad and Buried

Sorry. Let’s try that again:

Dear Dad and Buried,

Any kids books out there that don’t absolutely blow? Every time I buy one for my 2-yr old on a friend’s recommendation, I lose a friend. Is it me or is it them? PS Is that a pic of you and your baby on your blog’s front page? PPS not a huge fan of 80% of your posts, but I like the rest.

– xoxo, Sasha

Sasha,

No. There really aren’t. There are lesser degrees of blow, like picture books. And greater degrees of blow, like the “Llama Llama Red Pajama” series which is LITERALLY the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. My kid keeps demanding I read it to him. I’d rather read “Twilight.” The fact is most children’s books are intolerable (though I did read a cute one a few weeks ago). Your only hope is to power through the first few years of board books and super repetitive stories and get to the age when you can read your kids some actual books, with actual plots and actual writing that are still basic enough for a kid to understand (think “Treasure Island” or “Tom Sawyer” or “The Da Vinci Code”). Until then I might suggest a book of fairy tales, or Aesop’s Fables or something like that. But I feel your pain.

Oh, and it’s definitely your friends. You’re better off without them.

P.S. That pic is gone now, but it was me and a friend’s baby. Before my kid was born.
P.P.S. I am also not a huge fan of 80% of my posts.

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed,

– Dad and Buried

Dear Dad and Buried,

What’s that, Daddy? What’s that? What’s that, Daddy? What’s that, Daddy? What’s that? What’s that? What’s that? What’s that? What’s that, Daddy? What’s that? *STARTS CRYING* WHAT’S THAT, DADDY!

– Detective Munch

Dear Detective Munch,

*fashions noose*
*inserts neck*

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed,

– Dad and Buried

Please direct all questions, comments, hate mail, death threats and accolades to the Parental Advisories page, to ensure that I receive them and can respond accordingly.