“Supposed To” Doesn’t Exist

There’s no such thing as “supposed to.”

Recently, I wrote about @momandburied’s anxiety. One of the things that feeds it is the fear that she’s not doing enough and hasn’t accomplished things she’s “supposed to” have accomplished.

That’s bullshit. Not only is she holding herself to imaginary standards, but many of these expectations were created in a vacuum, before she had kids, before she had multiple sclerosis, before the damn pandemic!

There’s no such thing as “supposed to.”

dad and buried, mike julianelle, future, work ethic, finances, concern, parenting, parenthood, funny, dad bloggers, circumstances, mom bloggersNo one is keeping score of our lives, and if someone were, they wouldn’t just be marking down the ways we fall short. They’d be giving us credit too.

They’d recognize that our kids are alive & happy & have everything they could ever need and more. They’d acknowledge that we’re juggling an absurd amount of responsibilities, from caring for & schooling children to organizing & cleaning homes, from working full-time jobs & part-time jobs & freelance jobs to squeezing quality time out of weekends & evenings.

They’d note that we’re persevering thru all manner of challenges, from chronic illnesses and familial strife to corporate layoffs and we’restill taking care of our kids & our partners & our homes.

There’s no such thing as “supposed to.”

We all fall short as parents, professionals, partners, but we exceed expectations too! Unfortunately, like so many of us, and like so many moms, @momandburied discounts the victories. Because we’re “supposed to” do/have/be even more.

According to whom?

Life isn’t about notches on your belt, and not every accomplishment yields a parade. But just because they aren’t in the Guinness book or don’t match Becca’s on Instagram or because 20yo you expected something else doesn’t make them less legitimate.

It’s good to have goals and push yourself to improve; despite how nice it can feel to sit on your ass & be lazy, complacency isn’t ideal. But success needn’t come at the expense of your mental health or in the service of impossible benchmarks. And it shouldn’t mean ignoring or denying the things you DO accomplish.

The only thing you’re “supposed to” do is your best, and maybe cut yourself some slack.

(Amazing 📷 by @farieriphotography)

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