I love my kids, I just hate parenting
Babies aren’t trying to be jerks. They just can’t help it.
There’s no better proof of babies instinctual ability to mess with you than the uncanny manner in which they always seems to time their sleep schedule for maximum disruption of your life.
To prove this theorem, I spent some time monitoring my son.
My son has had a free ride long enough.
He’s had five years and several months of being the only game in town. But last month, things changed. His baby brother arrived, and now if Detective Munch wants to stay in our good graces, he needs to step up his game.
Luckily, I have the perfect solution.
I’m so tired right now, there’s at least a 30% chance that I’m dreaming this.
I don’t remember it being this tough with the first kid, but that might be because your brain makes you forget the early days of infancy so you’ll be stupid enough to do it again. Not only does the Hammer spend most of the night wide awake, he spends most of the night wide awake and screaming.
We’re only three weeks in, so there’s always a chance the kid will settle down and the screaming will stop and his sleep schedule will improve. But even if it does, I’m still going to be tired.
For one thing, I’m almost forty. For another, I’m a parent. And, perhaps most importantly, I don’t take naps.
I have to correct something today.
The last ten months have been rough. The pregnancy was challenging and inconvenient for everyone, but for my wife it was excruciating. It took a toll on her, both physically and emotionally. She powered through, of course, because that’s what she does.
Unfortunately, lost in all the well-wishes for our new addition, forgotten amidst all the accolades about how adorable the new baby is, and how handsome he is, and how – apropos of nothing – he looks EXACTLY like me (score!), is a little recognition for Mom and Buried.
For multiple reasons.
One of the struggles of dealing with a newborn is never knowing what they’re thinking about.
Sure, when they cry it’s probably because they’re hungry or tired or have a full diaper or are sick of the baby talk or what you to turn the channel, but it’s impossible to ever know. (Of course, when your kids finally can tell you what they’re thinking, it’s usually either insulting or meaningless.)
I made a little pie chart to break down babies most common thoughts.