I love my kids, I just hate parenting
Most people think technology makes our lives better, and that living back in the days without electricity would have sucked. I tend to agree. But there were some things about those days that might have been pretty cool.
Especially the child labor stuff.
It was almost exactly two years ago when I discovered I was going to be a father. My level of ignorance on the topic had me pretty nervous, but the nerves are natural. And kind of pointless. Because what I’ve learned after my first full year as a dad is that the key to being a good father is simply this: don’t be an asshole.
Seriously. If you’re already not an asshole, you can skip the rest of this (long) post because that’s all there is to it. Congratulations! Go forth and multiply.
However, I was an asshole. And I didn’t have much guidance when I became a dad. So I offer the following nine-item list (one for each month of pregnancy!) to all the assholes like me who need advice on getting through the nine or so months preceding the birth of the person who will most likely be your end (Oedipus!).
Read more about The Worry-Free Guide to Impending Fatherhood …
You know that hateful, soul-deadening show on MTV about teenage girls? No, not that one. Not that one either..
This one. Where parents spend six figures on their kids’ birthday parties, presumably to satisfy an already spoiled teen and to keep up with the Joneses who are also throwing supersized parties that – let’s face it – aren’t any fun since the kids are only 16 and can’t even drink. (Unless the parents are SUPER cool.) The minute I saw that show I knew – no matter how rich I might one day become – I would never spoil my kids so obnoxiously, nor have kids who were so obsessed with popularity and status, nor waste so much of my own time and money on a child’s birthday party.
And then my son’s first birthday approached. And my wife organized a circus-themed party complete with a ball pit, popcorn and more. And my life began to spiral downward into an abyss of despair.
Happy birthday, kiddo!
A friend of mine is in a fantasy football league in which one owner drafted a defense in the sixth round.
When questioned as to why he made such an idiotic pick, said owner explained that he made the pick because his young son had been begging him to take the Steelers D all day and he couldn’t hold him off any longer.
Um, what?
A few weeks ago I caught wind of this new Tumblr focusing on the “bad parents, cute babies, questionable decisions” that result in photos of babies in bars. I took issue with the site’s general conceit that taking a baby to a bar is a bad idea. But the site has potential. So much potential,Read more about If You Can’t Beat Em…[…]