Category: Lists

The Worst Gifts For Kids
25 Dec
Posted in holidays 2 comments

The Worst Gifts For Kids

This isn’t about dangerous toys. I honestly wouldn’t even know where to begin such a list. When I was a kid, if you wore a bike helmet you were King Dork of Nerd Mountain. Nowadays, you need a helmet just to ride the school bus or you’ll end up suing the NFL.

The standards for safety have changed so drastically that I’ve pretty much stopped giving my kid anything that has corners. (I’m not even joking: my son has never had a Saltine. NOTHING BUT RITZ.)

Instead, this list is about the worst gifts for kids. Not all kids, like I said, I can’t speak to that. These are the worst gifts to buy your own children.

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We Are All Zookeepers
18 Dec
Posted in Future 2 comments

We Are All Zookeepers

You love animals, right?

Of course you do, because who doesn’t love animals? (Mom and Buried!) Of course, there’s a difference between loving animals and devoting your life to them, and I wish someone had told me that before I became a parent, because what are young children but animals without fur?

That’s why I relate to this month’s 1 in 100 Million video. Being a parent and being a zookeeper aren’t all that different.

But don’t take my word for it.

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13 Ways My Second Baby is Like THE FORCE AWAKENS
17 Dec
Posted in Lists 3 comments

13 Ways My Second Baby is Like THE FORCE AWAKENS

If you’ve been following my blog lately, you probably know that the new Star Wars movie isn’t the only bundle of joy arriving this holiday season. My new baby will also be making his debut sometime over the next month.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a ridiculous list comparing parenting or kids to something really absurd, and thanks to my friend John Willey over at Daddys In Charge, I’ve been inspired.

So today, to celebrate the opening of the new movie, I give you a list comparing my soon-to-arrive baby to the new Star Wars movie. We’ve actually considered calling him “The Force Awakens” but I’m not sure it makes sense since once he gets here, none of us will ever be sleeping.

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Problematic Childhood Misconceptions
11 Dec
Posted in Future No comments

Problematic Childhood Misconceptions

Kids are gullible. And stupid. And loud. And annoying. And lazy. And way too energetic…

Sorry, lost my train of thought for a second.

The point is, kids will believe anything. Believe me, I know; I’ve tested this. Extensively. And I will continue to test it, both to keep verifying my findings like a proper scientist and because lying to children is so damn entertaining!

At least for a while…

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Is Your Child Gifted?
07 Dec
Posted in Future 3 comments

Is Your Child Gifted?

When my son was in preschool, we received an informational packet about how we could get him tested for NYC’s “gifted” programs. We decided not to bother.

Not because we don’t think he’s got potential, but because it just seemed like unnecessary stress for a four-year-old. Besides, if Detective Munch is some kind of supergenius, we’ll find out eventually (and laugh all the way to the bank!)

I’m glad we passed on the testing, because last week I saw an article on PopSugar called “Signs Your Child May Be Gifted” that takes all the guesswork out of determining whether your kid might one day be able to buy you an island*.

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