11 Oct

Dad and Buried Posted in Advice 8 comments

Can You Be Happy Without Kids?

As a world-famous blogger who hates his kid and once mentioned Bronies, I get A LOT of weird spam. Most of it regarding my penis.

Sometimes I actually get asked advice, and sometimes I get yelled at; sometimes I get praise, and sometimes an old teacher from high school reaches out to say hi. (Most of the time I get yelled at.)

Yesterday, I got an email that I initially thought was spam. I’m still not positive it’s not. Just in case, I’m responding to a reader who wants to know if she can be happy without kids.

08 Oct

Dad and Buried Posted in Photo 2 comments

Co-sleeping? More Like NO-sleeping!

We’d wanted one for years.

As soon as we got married, we started planning for it. We knew we’d need a bigger place first, and should probably try to save up a little too. But there was never going to be a perfect time for it. We just had to take the plunge, come what may.

It would change our lives, without a doubt. But we were confident the benefits would make it worthwhile. We watched our friends with envy and we knew we had to do it too.

So we did it. We finally got ourselves a King mattress.

Unfortunately, then we had a kid.

04 Oct

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 9 comments

Requiem for a Cream-colored Lovey

Thank you all for coming. I’m sure my toddler will appreciate it years from now, when we show him pictures and explain everything, since he’s barely three and doesn’t understand what it’s all about and won’t remember a single moment.

It’s been a tough couple of days since Lovey left us, particularly for Detective Munch, who has lost his sidekick, his snot rag, his bunk-mate, his whipping boy, his partner-in-crime, his napkin…

His best friend.

It’s a sad day, but we’re here to celebrate a life well-lived, not mourn an untimely – but inevitable – passing. Let’s face it, if Lovey hadn’t been lost, he probably would’ve disintegrated; dude was FILTHY. (By which I mean: well-loved.)

13 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Advice 4 comments

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 7

Here’s the thing, people: when I say I’m a parenting expert, I’m being sarcastic. If you’ve read my blog, you know what I think about the idea that anyone can be an “expert” parent. It’s hogwash. It’s all a gamble.

I should have known that my sarcasm might backfire, especially since it’s been happening my entire life. But here we are, with the seventh installment of my advice series, and this time I got a lot of questions. Serious questions. Difficult questions. And I have no choice but to give them a shot.

Just remember, I’m a clown. A buffoon. I’m no more qualified to tell you how to raise your kids than Britney Spears or Dr. Phil. So remember, while some of my responses will likely contain some good ideas and an occasional bit of insight, apply my advice at your own risk. I WRITE JOKES.

Got it? Good. Now let’s go ruin some lives.

09 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking No comments

Hard Days’ Nights

Today is my birthday. I know; I don’t care either.

I’m not going to whine about how old I am or anything. Age ain’t nothing but a mile marker on the highway to eternal nothingness, am I right? And truth be told, I don’t feel that different than I did at 27. Except for this three-foot-tall growth that’s attached to my leg, sucking all the energy out of me.

That energy would’ve come in handy over the weekend, when I tried to live like I still was 27 by attending a three-day music fest.

Dad and Buried

Category: Sleeping

Can You Be Happy Without Kids?

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Co-sleeping? More Like NO-sleeping!

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Requiem for a Cream-colored Lovey

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Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 7

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Hard Days’ Nights

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