19 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 3 comments

Six Ways Having Kids is Like Not Having Kids

Although I’m a firm believer that having kids doesn’t have to change your life entirely, it definitely does change it. Just not that much, not if you don’t want it to. My blog is proof that you can keep your questionable personality and hateful sense of humor when you become a parent; you just have to try!

I didn’t stop being a sarcastic jerk when my son was born, even though I quite sincerely love him with all my blackened heart. And I didn’t stop drinking, or going out to eat with my wife, or watching the TV shows I like and the sports I love. In many ways, being a dad is a lot like not being one.

I made a list of some of them.

13 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in Advice 4 comments

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 7

Here’s the thing, people: when I say I’m a parenting expert, I’m being sarcastic. If you’ve read my blog, you know what I think about the idea that anyone can be an “expert” parent. It’s hogwash. It’s all a gamble.

I should have known that my sarcasm might backfire, especially since it’s been happening my entire life. But here we are, with the seventh installment of my advice series, and this time I got a lot of questions. Serious questions. Difficult questions. And I have no choice but to give them a shot.

Just remember, I’m a clown. A buffoon. I’m no more qualified to tell you how to raise your kids than Britney Spears or Dr. Phil. So remember, while some of my responses will likely contain some good ideas and an occasional bit of insight, apply my advice at your own risk. I WRITE JOKES.

Got it? Good. Now let’s go ruin some lives.

11 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 2 comments

Concession Stand

Mom and Buried and I spent the weekend enjoying a local music festival. We knew from the start that Detective Munch wouldn’t be accompanying us to the many night-time shows, but – because we wanted him to experience some live music, which he loves – we took some of the daytime events.

On Saturday, we went to the less interesting (read: bluegrass) bands that were playing outside somewhere, rather than inside some dank dive bar my son couldn’t get into. It worked out okay; the kid got to dance and interact with dogs and strangers and we got to have a beer or two while doing our best to prevent our son from getting bit by disgruntled dogs and strangers.

It’s called compromise, and it’s part of being a parent. But on the eve of his third birthday, it’s time for my kid to start holding up his end of the bargain.

Apocalypse Nap

I can hardly believe my son will be three in a month. Time really flies!

Of course, if he is really phasing out his daily nap, I’m gonna start aging even faster than he is.

Zombie Post: King Baby

It finally happened! A British woman gave birth! I’ll never understand the hoopla about a famous person having a baby. This time around, it’s so extreme that it almost seems put on. Like we’re all starved for something stupid to focus on. Escapism at its limey-ist. Oh well. I have little to say on theRead more about Zombie Post: King Baby[…]

Dad and Buried

Category: TV

Six Ways Having Kids is Like Not Having Kids

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Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 7

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Concession Stand

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Apocalypse Nap

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Zombie Post: King Baby

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