19 Jan

Dad and Buried Posted in Fear 16 comments

All the Children are Insane

“All children, even the most mild-mannered and cooperative, act irrationally on occasion.” – Your 16-month-old’s Behavior (BabyCenter.com)

A ways back, I wrote a post comparing infants to lunatics. After a few months of wrapping my son in the equivalent of a straight jacket just so he’d fall asleep and stop screaming, the comparison of my baby to an insane person seemed apt.

Little did I know that a year later I’d have even more reason to question my kid’s sanity.

17 Jan

Dad and Buried Posted in Fear One comment

Outbreak!

For a minute there I honestly thought my son was a vampire.

Turns out he only had pink eye.

Real Genius

I’m not going to say my son’s a genius.

I’m going to type it: MY SON IS A GENIUS.

Let me be clear: at my son’s young age, there is a lot he doesn’t know. Hell, at my age, there’s a lot I don’t know. But while my son is still figuring out how to feed himself, he’s been picking up all sorts of other knowledge and skills at an incredible rate.

So I thought I’d start posting about the new things he can do. In list form!

The Worry-Free Guide to Impending Fatherhood

It was almost exactly two years ago when I discovered I was going to be a father. My level of ignorance on the topic had me pretty nervous, but the nerves are natural. And kind of pointless. Because what I’ve learned after my first full year as a dad is that the key to being a good father is simply this: don’t be an asshole.

Seriously. If you’re already not an asshole, you can skip the rest of this (long) post because that’s all there is to it. Congratulations! Go forth and multiply.

However, I was an asshole. And I didn’t have much guidance when I became a dad. So I offer the following nine-item list (one for each month of pregnancy!) to all the assholes like me who need advice on getting through the nine or so months preceding the birth of the person who will most likely be your end (Oedipus!).

04 Jan

Dad and Buried Posted in Babies 14 comments

Cute for a Reason

2011 was a pretty fun year for me. My kid exited his fourth trimester (the first three months of his life, from mid-September to mid-December) and emerged as a little human being, with a personality, expressions, lots of incoherent babbling and, eventually, the ability to walk and say a variety of words.

Watching that emerging personality and continued discovery of new information and abilities goes a long way towards mitigating what can otherwise be a tough stage of parenting. Because babies are dumb. Not because they’re stupid, just because they don’t know anything yet. And they are the opposite of independent. Like, “citizens of North Korea” opposite. They need us for everything.

They’re cute for a reason.

Dad and Buried

All the Children are Insane

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Outbreak!

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Real Genius

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The Worry-Free Guide to Impending Fatherhood

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Cute for a Reason

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