Parenting Milestones

Parenting Milestones

According to my son’s birth certificate, I became a father in 2010. But becoming an actual parent took longer. In fact, I think it took until last week.

When we imagine having kids, most of us have similar daydreams. Most of them focus on big moments: choosing a name, putting together a crib, going through labor, changing diapers, playing catch, taking off the training wheels, the first day of school, etc.

When I finally, actually became a dad, many of those milestones remained significant, but dozens – hundreds! – more piled up around small, everyday stuff. Every single first is a capital-F First: first burp, first smile, first poop, first solid poop, first roll-over, first sit-up, first crawl, first fall, first steps, first words…

But after a while, and folders full of pictures, you realize that those aren’t your milestones. They’re your kid’s. Here are some actual parenting milestones.

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The Negotiator

The Negotiator

My son is developing at an incredible rate.

He’s getting taller, his hair is getting longer, his vocabulary is increasing. But even more impressively, he’s already picking up skills most of us don’t use until later in life. Skills like arguing, sarcasm, and, most frustratingly, negotiation.

At the young age of not-even-three, my innocent child is becoming a slick little deal-maker. It’s enough to make me sick proud.

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Learning is Detrimental

Learning is Detrimental

Do your kids ever surprise you by knowing something you haven’t taught them? Something you wish they didn’t know?

The other day, while we were driving home from somewhere, my son started pointing at signs for various buildings and asking about them. “Is that where we get coffee?” “Is that where we get fries?” “Is that Target?” And he was right every time. It was simultaneously impressive and unsettling.

It’s amazing to watch my son’s mind expand, but it’s disconcerting when the logos of fast food restaurants and department stores are what’s filling it.

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Bad Impressions

Bad Impressions

On Friday, I wrote about how children absorb and reflect their parents’ behavior, often shining a light on Mommy and Daddy’s worst tendencies.

Some of those tendencies are more problematic than others, especially when my son starts doing unconscious impressions of his parents in public. Sometimes it’s cute, sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s just plain embarrassing.

Because Detective Munch does bad impressions of me, and I don’t mean bad in a “he can’t pull it off” kind of way. He’s a gifted mimic. It’s my behavior that’s the problem.

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