24 Sep

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 7 comments

Split Personality

You hit the jackpot.

You’re able to get away for a night or two, get someone to watch the kid and grab a nice dinner, get a nice buzz, and relax. You’re granted a brief reprieve from the terrible twos or terrible threes or whatever the case may be, and you have a well-deserved night or two of child-free fun. It’s been a long time coming, and it won’t be coming along again anytime soon.

And yet, despite your need for time away from him, you can’t help but miss your kid. Despite your better instincts, you actually can’t wait to get home and see him!

Until you do.

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 7

Here’s the thing, people: when I say I’m a parenting expert, I’m being sarcastic. If you’ve read my blog, you know what I think about the idea that anyone can be an “expert” parent. It’s hogwash. It’s all a gamble.

I should have known that my sarcasm might backfire, especially since it’s been happening my entire life. But here we are, with the seventh installment of my advice series, and this time I got a lot of questions. Serious questions. Difficult questions. And I have no choice but to give them a shot.

Just remember, I’m a clown. A buffoon. I’m no more qualified to tell you how to raise your kids than Britney Spears or Dr. Phil. So remember, while some of my responses will likely contain some good ideas and an occasional bit of insight, apply my advice at your own risk. I WRITE JOKES.

Got it? Good. Now let’s go ruin some lives.

27 Jun

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 2 comments

Scared Tactics

When you’re a kid, you just don’t understand.

You’re just doing your thing, trying something new, exploring something new, eyes on the prize, when all of a sudden Daddy appears out of nowhere, grabs you, and starts yelling in your face.

You’re scared. But what your puny, inexperienced brain doesn’t realize is, that despite all appearances, Daddy is even more scared than you.

The World’s Most Stressful Accessory

I don’t think toddlers and dogs are the same thing (except when they kind of are). No one could possibly think that.

For one thing, dogs have fur. For another, dogs can be trained. They’ll actually listen to commands. You can use a leash without getting strange looks and, as mentioned above, your wife can even carry certain kinds of dogs in her purse. You can’t do that with toddlers. But sometimes I wish you could.

Taking toddlers places is stressful AF!

08 Jun

Dad and Buried Posted in Health 2 comments

Photo: Who Rocks the Potty?

Oh happy day!

My son performed his first successful poop in the potty this morning, and I wanted to share the proud moment with all of my blog readers.

It’s only right that you should experience this along with me, and share in my triumph.

Thanks for making the image on the next page possible!

Dad and Buried

Tag: health

Split Personality

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Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 7

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Scared Tactics

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The World’s Most Stressful Accessory

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Photo: Who Rocks the Potty?

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