31 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in Drinking 2 comments

The Five People to Blame for Your Dad Bod

The “dad bod” trend has been a boon to dads – and non-dads – everywhere. I was at the beach last week, and everywhere I looked, it was dad bod city.

Who can blame us? Men suddenly have validation for our laziness, and apparently there’s an entire subset of women who find our beer bellies attractive!

I admit that I have a dad bod of my own, but not on purpose. I go to the gym several times a week, and I try to eat healthy, give or take 100 beers a week. I don’t want a dad bod. I hate even saying dad bod. And I especially hate the people I blame for giving me one.

26 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in ECard No comments

[E-card] The Perfect Baby Name

Last time we had to name a baby, it was a struggle. There are a ton of terrible names out there, and the list grows with every new series of young adult science-fiction books.

We lucked out and the name we chose ended up perfectly suiting Detective Munch.

But we left one name in the holster that might have made even more sense. Maybe it will work this time around.

21 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in SERIOUS! 3 comments

Credit Fraud

Last week, after I laid out why I agree with Target’s new non-gender assignation policy, a handful of people on social media praised me, called me a great dad, and said they wished more people would raise their kids like I’m raising mine.

AWKWARD. I’ve never committed credit fraud, but when I get praise for being a good parent, that’s what it feels like.

I prefer when people call me an asshole and a terrible father. Because, as my regular readers know (thanks, regular readers!), that’s a lot closer to the truth.

The Definition of Insanity

There are a million titles I could have used for this post:

Practice makes perfect.

Glutton for punishment.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Misery loves company.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends.

But for whatever reason, referencing Albert Einstein’s (but maybe not?) famous quote seemed to make the most sense.

18 Aug

Dad and Buried Posted in discipline 2 comments

Empty Parenting Threats

When it comes to getting your kids to do something they don’t want to do, there are basically three tactics you can employ: bribery, threats, and just giving up and doing it for them.

Doing it for them is obviously not the way to go. Detective Munch is lazy enough as it is; if I were to start waiting on him hand and foot (or waiting on him even more, which I guess would make it waiting on him hands and feet? COMEDY GOLD!), he’d probably end up with bed sores.

As most parents already know, bribery is a double-edged sword. It works, but you’re gonna pay for it down the line when the kid refuses to get out of bed without the promise of a new toy or some TV time, and eventually you’re buying him a new car just to get him to go to college.

Which leaves us with threats.

Dad and Buried

Tag: lifestyle

The Five People to Blame for Your Dad Bod

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[E-card] The Perfect Baby Name

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Credit Fraud

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The Definition of Insanity

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Empty Parenting Threats

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