Scar Wars

Scar Wars

My son hasn’t seen Star Wars yet!

But thanks to its pop culture ubiquity, he definitely knows about it. Whether or not the kids themselves have seen the movies, my son’s preschool classmates wear shirts emblazoned with the different characters, Detective Munch himself has a toy light-saber, and he’s already announced that he wants to be Darth Vader for next Halloween. (He’s also announced that he wants to be Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, Batman, and the Joker, so let’s give it some time before we buy the next costume.) Sight unseen!

Recently he even asked me if he could watch it “someday,” a question I could barely even answer due to my enormous grin.

Like every dad whose childhood was shaped by the original trilogy, I am dying to show it to my son. But I’m exercising restraint. Because Mom and Buried.

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Seven Terrible Halloween Costumes for Kids

Seven Terrible Halloween Costumes for Kids

My son was born in the middle of September, so when his first Halloween came around, he was barely even a thing yet, let alone someone who might one day want to dress up as Thing. But that didn’t stop Mom and Buried from putting him in a little lion outfit and parading him around the neighborhood, to the delight of everyone because that shit is cute.

When his second Halloween came around, he went as a monkey. We initially tried a skeleton outfit but that did not go over well. To be honest, neither did the monkey, most of the time. But crying and screaming was kind of his thing back then. (Not that that’s changed much.) Last year was his third Halloween, and he was totally on board, chomping at the bit to be Jake the Neverland Pirate.

Finally, it was up to him to choose his costume. And it should always be from now on.

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Rules for Dating My Son

Rules for Dating My Son

My son is only four, but with the speed at which children grow up these days, it won’t be long before he starts going on dates. So I thought I’d write a little something to anyone who is considering going to the drive-in and the ice cream stand – or maybe the roller rink and soda shop? I’m out of touch – with my son. Some rules for dating him.

(If you have a daughter, try these or these, from much nicer people than me.)

He’s a friendly, good-looking kid, so I don’t blame you for being interested. Just be careful. If you want to date my son, it’s your funeral.

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No LEGO to Stand On

No LEGO to Stand On

People love them some LEGOs. I recognize this. I’m not here to bury them (those people or the LEGOs). But I’m not here to praise them either (those people or the LEGOs). I’m just ambivalent about the toy.

I didn’t really want to write about the colorful little blocks.

And then someone gave my son a bunch of them.

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