24 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Sacrifice 21 comments

Parents Don’t Deserve Happiness

All babies are created equal. Their parents are not.

Babies are little humans, slowly developing their own personalities and opinions and interests. As clean slates making their way toward self-realization, they deserve the benefit of the doubt and the unencumbered opportunity to reach their fullest potential.

Parents, however, have had their chance. They are adults (give or take every parent ever featured on MTV or VH1) who’ve they lived their lives and are what they are. At some point they decided (give or take every parent ever featured on MTV or VH1) to have a kid. Or two. Or 19. And now they have to live with that decision. They weren’t born parents, they became parents. They chose their lifestyle, they made their beds – and they deserve no quarter.

And no happiness.

03 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Sacrifice 4 comments

The Only Child Conundrum, Part 2: Is It Selfish to Have Just One?

Part 1 of the Only Child Condundrum dealt with the impact that having just one kid might have on that kid.

For Part 2, let’s forget about my son and his infinite potential for disappointing me for a minute. Instead, let’s talk about how having more than one kid might affect me and my wife.

02 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Rules 3 comments

The Only Child Conundrum, Part 1: Just One Kid Is Alright. Right?

I have a friend who is due to have his second kid any day now. I have several other friends who already have two kids, and another friend who is actively gunning for a third.

All this while my wife and I are sitting here, kinda-sorta feeling okay with just the one.

But is that okay with everyone else? More importantly, is it okay for our son? It’s the only child conundrum!

10 Feb

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists 5 comments

Old Age vs. Parenthood

Over the past five months my life has changed a lot, for obvious, baby-related reasons.

But over the past few years, my life has changed in other ways that have nothing to do with the ill-advised and soul-deadening decision to have a child. I’m talking about things that seem to have more to do with the fact that I am rapidly approaching my 35th birthday than the fact that I’ve added yet another mouth with its own carbon footprint to an overpopulated planet on the verge of extinction.

Problem is, with my life so wrapped up in making sure my baby lives long enough to contribute to and eventually witness the final days of the planet he will help destroy, it isn’t always easy to tell the difference between the changes that are his fault and the changes that are my rapidly deteriorating body’s fault.

So I decided to try and figure out what to blame: old age or parenthood?

29 Jul

Dad and Buried Posted in Movies 4 comments

The Business of Being Indoctrinated

As part of training for eventual “Father of the Year” status and in preparation for the storming of my wife’s inner thighs, I have begun watching a few DVDs about the intricacies of childbirth.

Not all of the DVDs are tutorials, though the very first one we watched was, and featured an obnoxious woman who fancied herself a comedienne. With every nugget of information she parceled out about the shape of the inside of my wife’s vagina, she performed an excruciating little skit that was – and I don’t speak from experience – more painful than labor. I don’t want to speak for my wife, but can we please keep any and all attempts at laughter away from her genitals?

Last night we took a breather from Gilda Radner’s Guide to Reproduction and moved on to The Business of Being Born, a documentary exploring the world of midwifery and why if you deliver your baby in the hospital you’re a slave to the system and the reason for global warming.

Dad and Buried

Tag: society

Parents Don’t Deserve Happiness

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The Only Child Conundrum, Part 2: Is It Selfish to Have Just One?

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The Only Child Conundrum, Part 1: Just One Kid Is Alright. Right?

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Old Age vs. Parenthood

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The Business of Being Indoctrinated

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