08 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Advice 11 comments

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 13

I have two kids now. I’ve never been more of an expert on what it takes to be exhausted and annoyed 24/7.

Which makes today the perfect time for another round of my unprofessional, ill-considered, potentially criminal parenting advice! (Check out all of the previous installments.)

And I actually got a handful of solid questions! Too solid, really. It was a struggle to make fun of them! It’s almost like you people are starting to take me seriously. STOP IT.

04 Apr

Dad and Buried Posted in Babies 118 comments

The Birthday Party Nightmare

I guess I’m a party pooper. My son turned five in September, and as usual, my wife threw him an elaborate and expensive birthday party, complete with a theme, of course. Now that we have another kid to celebrate, the birthday party nightmare is only going to get worse.

When Detective Munch turned one, it was a circus theme. For two, it was Yo Gabba Gabba! At three, it was all about trains, and at four, he and his friends got capes and dressed as superheroes. This time around, it was a pirate-themed affair, complete with invitations that looked like—and were actually burned at the edges to look like—old treasure maps, a corresponding treasure hunt, and plastic swords and eye-patches for all the scurvy little dogs to take home and subsequently use to terrorize their parents.

It was fun. My son had fun, his friends had fun, everyone had fun. Even the adults! (We provided beer and mimosas because WE’RE NOT MONSTERS.) That doesn’t mean I want to do it again.

30 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Charts and Graphs 4 comments

The Five Stages of Throwing a Fit

Kids aren’t good at very many things, but they are good at going berserk on their parents for no reason.

After a while, you get used to their antics, and learn enough about their irrational ways that you can properly anticipate, and safely weather, one of their outbursts.

If you’re not yet schooled in the five stages of throwing a fit, don’t worry. I’m here to help.

24 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Gender 184 comments

I Am the Hardest Working Dad in the World

I am the hardest working dad in the world. (Granted, I’m only a dad, so it’s a low bar, but my gender is not my fault. It’s GOD’s fault!)

You’re probably wondering what makes me, Dad and Buried, the hardest working dad in the world. Well, for starters, I have a ten-week-old baby and a five-year-old son and both of them are still alive!

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

23 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Babies 9 comments

We Are All Sisyphus

Parenting is such an incredible, all-consuming experience that it causes you to feel emotions differently than you’ve ever felt them before. Caring for your children causes many emotions to come on more strongly, and more quickly, than they used to.

Not only do you often find yourself feeling myriad emotions in quick succession, if not all at once – many of them new emotions you may not have experienced before – but you also find yourself experiencing the same ones, good and bad, every day, over and over again.

Especially if you have more than one child.

Dad and Buried

Tag: stress

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 13

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The Birthday Party Nightmare

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The Five Stages of Throwing a Fit

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I Am the Hardest Working Dad in the World

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We Are All Sisyphus

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