It’s Okay to Hate Your Baby

It’s Okay to Hate Your Baby

Not to state the obvious, but becoming a parent is kind of a big deal. One day you don’t have a kid and the next day you do and your life won’t ever be the same. It’s quite an adjustment. Even with nine months of warning.

I don’t care how much time you spend getting ready, how many books you read, how much stuff you buy: you can’t truly prepare for having kids because nothing prepares you for having kids except having kids. Being a parent takes some getting used to and it’s not always easy, especially at first.

It’s okay to admit your kid is an asshole sometimes. It’s okay to hate being a parent sometimes. And it’s okay to hate your baby.

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Parenting Reward Chart

Parenting Reward Chart

A few days ago, we procured a reward chart for our son.

The hope is that by incentivizing his behavior we can train Detective Munch into a decent, reasonable person instead of the feral four-year-old he currently is. Our typical repertoire of threats is neither working nor healthy (nor really stopping because I’m terrible at this new “reward” method!)

So far, it’s been going okay. If he brushes his teeth (without a fight), or goes to bed (without a fight), or eats his dinner (without a fight), or gets dressed for school (without a fight), he can earn rewards like dessert, and TV, and not getting yelled at by a dad who is at the end of his rope.

It got me thinking about what a chart for parents would look like. So I made one.

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Five Ways Parenting Can Make You a Better Employee

Five Ways Parenting Can Make You a Better Employee

I’m fairly well-educated. I went to college. I have almost two decades of experience in the professional world, and while I’m used to dealing with arrogant superiors and lazy peers and rude clients, nothing prepared me for dealing with a child.

Kids operate from an unrelatable place, often with no logical motivation or rationale for their behavior. They’re like something out of a horror movie; indefatigable, rarely-sated, and conscience-free. Kind of like your boss…or your clients…or your annoying coworker Karen!

I don’t care if you’re great at your job, and neither do your kids. Nothing you bring from work will help you at home. You can’t manage your children; they’re too unpredictable for that. But you can learn how to be a better manager from them.

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Who Doesn’t Love a Parade

Who Doesn’t Love a Parade

My Thanksgivings don’t usually start with 5:45 wake-up calls. But my Thanksgivings also don’t usually include a visit to the most celebrated parade in the world.

And my Thanksgivings NEVER feature an appearance from KISS. Which is usually the thing I’m most thankful for.

But last Thursday I got all of those things, for better or worse, because, thanks to the good people at Macy’s and Mom and Buried’s bizarre obsession with this event, I’d secured tickets to the 88th Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

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