Guy Dye

If you have kids and you haven’t gone gray yet, either stop lying or just give it time.

There are days I can practically feel my hair changing color as it’s happening. Which is usually when my 6-year-old is throwing a fit about having to go to bed/having to go to school/having to take a bath/having to eat dinner/having to do his homework/etc.

Going gray is a part of getting older, and a part of parenting, and I’m okay with it. I’m not vain. Besides, a little salt and pepper worked out great for George Clooney and I’m nothing if not exactly like George Clooney!

meme, teenagers, fatherhood, dad and buried, parenting, mike julianelle, humor, funny, family, stress, getting oldSimilarities to the Cloon Show notwithstanding, I’m not perfect.

Though I may not be vain, I am lazy and low-maintenance. So for me, any potential solution to my increasingly graying hair has always been a non-starter. Especially since on top of being lazy and low-maintenance, I’m also married. It’s over for me, so what’s the point in even trying anymore?

The way I see it, dealing with The Graying gives you three options, two of which take real effort and commitment:

  • Let It Grow
  • Dye Your Hair
  • Shave Your Head

Let’s tackle these one by one…

Shaving my head because I’m going gray is simply overkill. If I ever shave my head, it will be because I’m already going bald or because I’ve finally turned against Superman (never gonna happen, no matter how badly Zach Snyder pushes me.)

Going to the effort of actually dyeing my hair seems like too much as well. It requires too much vanity (like I said, it’s over for me, and I don’t have the bandwidth to start caring about my hair color), too much work (either to go to a salon or buying legit dye to handle it myself), and too much curiosity from the cashier bagging me up (don’t judge me, hypothetical-attractive-twenty-something-grocery-store-cashier-who-thinks-I’m–pathetic-for-being-so-vain!)

Nah, I don’t think so. Especially since I’m only just starting to go a little gray – the efforts of my infuriating children be damned! Even if I were to suddenly go full Steve Martin, I’m not an older, divorced guy whose (infuriating) kids are desperate for him to get back into the dating scene. So I’m good.

Due to a combination of all the aforementioned reasons, I’m much more likely to let my grays grow. That is, I was, before the people who make Just For Men sent me some of their new ControlGX gray reducing shampoo for Father’s Day!

Suddenly, there’s another option. If I were to start dyeing my hair? This is how I would do it.

For one thing, the new shampoo is actually shampoo. It cleans your hair the way regular shampoo does, except instead of removing dandruff or including conditioner (although there is one that has conditioner too), it removes your grays. And it works! I may not have had many grays to speak of, but after a few weeks of using this shampoo, I have even less. And if I want them back – or if my wife does (she likes the distinguished look) – I can just stop using the shampoo.

stress, aging, gray hair, just for men, parenting, dad and buried, mike julianelle, sponsored, getting old, funny, family, parenting, humorAgain, I don’t have a ton of grays, and I’m not too concerned about getting them. But that could change, or I might want to dye my hair for different reasons *cough*FakeMyDeath&StartOverWithoutKids*cough* and this new “smart shampoo” is the only way I could consider it. It works gradually so no one will suddenly be confused as to why you pulled a reverse Leland-on-Twin-Peaks (or a regular Dougie-on-Twin-Peaks-The-Return) and drastically changed your hair color overnight.

Plus, if that hypothetical attractive twenty-something grocery store cashier sees Control GX in my cart and suddenly thinks I’m pathetic for being vain, I can play dumb and just pretend I wanted it to clean my hair. That way I’ll save face before heading back to my loving wife who doesn’t need to know I’ve been imagining erotic encounters with cashiers who don’t exist.

Please don’t mention this to her or I might have to load up on this stuff and hit the road sooner than I thought…

Disclaimer: I was compensated for this post but my opinions are my own.

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