Grocery Shopping Sucks

I hate grocery shopping!

Before you say “because you’re not good at it!”, that’s not why I hate it. I hate it for a lot of reasons.

One of which is that I’m not good at it.

But I mostly hate it because it’s boring and hectic and stressful and thankless, and when you get home your wife gets mad that you forgot the Feta cheese crumbles, or you got full-size avocados instead of mini ones, or because Jesus Christ we have enough beer!, or wtf man Crunchberries are disgusting.

A “YOU’RE WELCOME” might be nice! Hrmph!

As a pretty enlightened 21st century guy, I’m not ashamed to admit that Mom and Buried usually does the shopping. She’s better at it, she enjoys it, and she knows I’ll screw it up.

But, thanks to COVID-19, visiting the grocery store is fraught for everyone, especially someone with a suppressed immune system like my wife.

Online ordering is ideal, but those services are way overbooked in Brooklyn, so for the past few months I’ve been forced to pick up the slack for the first time since I was unemployed last summer and bought way too many Flavor-Ices and bags of Tate’s Bake Shop chocolate chip cookies.

Which is why I went today, during lunch, and spent our entire life-savings because we’re trying to limit trips and because we were down to a half-bottle of mustard and the mangled bag of frozen vegetables my wife uses to nurse the elbow she injured the weekend before she got coronavirus but in the middle of her forever-battle with multiple sclerosis. (She’s a bit unlucky, health-wise, is what I’m saying.)

As the healthy adult (*knock on wood*), grocery shopping is the least I can do, because my wife can’t go and someone needs to provide food for kids who won’t eat it!

But it’s also the MOST I can do because it’s hell on earth and it gives me anxiety – not just abt all the idiots who get in your personal space, but about manically bouncing from aisle to aisle because wow Fairway Market (RIP) has good prices but a really stupid layout!

I’m less anxious abt forgetting stuff because that’s just part of the deal when you send me to the store so you can deal w not having white cheddar Cheez-It for a few weeks!

Long story short, there’s a reason I’m standing in the beer aisle.

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