Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 13

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 13

I have two kids now. I’ve never been more of an expert on what it takes to be exhausted and annoyed 24/7.

Which makes today the perfect time for another round of my unprofessional, ill-considered, potentially criminal parenting advice! (Check out all of the previous installments.)

And I actually got a handful of solid questions! Too solid, really. It was a struggle to make fun of them! It’s almost like you people are starting to take me seriously. STOP IT.

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Negative Impact

Negative Impact

Despite the fact that I’m more likely to classify myself as a realist, most people would probably say otherwise.

They consider me a pessimist, especially people who don’t know me well, or don’t share my sense of humor, and a cynic. Which is fine. I turn 40 this year, I’ve long stopped worrying about other people’s misconceptions.

But I do worry about how my children see me. And about the potential negative impact my personality might have on them.

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Don’t Be Afraid of Parenthood

Don’t Be Afraid of Parenthood

Referring to the months leading up to the Hammer’s arrival as “stressful” is a massive understatement.

I was out of my mind with anxiety, from worries about future restrictions on money and and sleep and time, to concerns about both the baby’s and Mom and Buried’s health, to wondering how I would possible survive the post-delivery ban on sex, my mind was overwhelmed with fear and uncertainty.

Now, of course – exactly as I kept telling myself it would be all along (to little avail) – everything is fine.

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Yo-kai Watch and Learn

Yo-kai Watch and Learn

Every parent dreads the day they can no longer relate to their kids.

Every parent worries that, sooner than later, their kids will transition out of interest in the things their mom and dad are interested in and begin cultivating their own unique pursuits and hobbies. Every parent dreads the day their kids make them feel old and out of touch.

All three of those days came for me over the weekend, courtesy of Yo-kai Watch!

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The Agony of Colic

The Agony of Colic

In its darkest moments, parenting boils down to two emotions.

Once you muffle the laughter and the joy – and let’s be real here, in the face of the day-to-day grind that is raising children, the laughter and the joy are already often muffled by the frustration and the exhaustion – two feelings come to the fore over and over again. Two feelings that, on your worst days, overwhelm everything else.

Being a parent is largely about guilt and fear, even when it should be about neither.

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