Tag Archives: babies

Toddlers and Technology

9 Apr

iPhone Venn31 Toddlers and Technology

Skeletons in the Coffin

7 Apr parenting, secrets, confessions, buried secrets, skeletons in the closet, parents, moms, dads, kids, hide, funny

As I suggested last week, every parent has secrets. Unfortunately, not every parent has a blog via which they can express their innermost feelings under sarcastic cover (I swear!) and therefore escape the wrath of their spouse and children and the authorities.

Understanding this, I have created a “Buried Secrets” forum, this well of souls, where any parent who feels the need to can get something off their chest without fear of judgment (you know how we feel about that) or embarrassment or the NSA.

Just kidding, I can’t hide from them! Thankfully they already know all of our secrets anyway.

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Guest Post: The “Science” of Perspective

28 Mar baby, eden, incest, dad blog, funny, parenting, the glad stork, humor, dads, moms, families, ancestry, generations, pound town

I’ve never run a guest post before.

It’s primarily because most of the people who want to write them are PR flunkies looking to promote a product and homey don’t play that. Also because there aren’t all that many people I’d be comfortable having contribute to my site. I’m proud of the voice I have/am-trying-to establish here, and I like to think it’s unique among bloggers, and unique among parent bloggers in particular. Tell me I’m wrong in the comments!

But today I’m going to run my first guest post, for three reasons:

1) I’m moving today and tomorrow, and have no time to write anything.
2) Mom and Buried has plans to contribute something soon – she wanted to be first but, alas, she’s moving too – and I want to get everyone ready for the occasional new voice.
3) This guest poster is funny, and unlike the aforementioned PR flunkies, his sensibilities are in line with mine. Also he designed my logo so I owe him.

So, without further ado, please read and enjoy my talented, hilarious cartoonist friend The Glad Stork’s (follow him on Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr!) take on parenting, perspective, and Pound Town.

But be prepared: Mom and Buried is coming.

And she’s bringing hell with her.

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The Happiness Problem

20 Mar parenting, parenthood, toddlers, half-birthday, birthdays, dads, milestones, e-card, ecard, half-birthday, spoiled

My son turned 3.5 the other day.

Few things seem so obviously tailor-made for a Dad and Buried rant as the absurdity of half-birthdays. Unfortunately, when my wife got excited about Detective Munch’s mini-milestone, I found myself swept up in half-birthday fever myself, against my better judgment.

Despite my reservations – about spoiling the kid; about rewarding him for nothing; about the fact that his terrible threes haven’t exactly been his behavioral high-point so why the fuck should he get an extra made-up holiday right smack in the middle of it? – I helped celebrate it. Enthusiastically. We gave him a toy truck and a cupcake.

I think I’m part of the problem. I sang “Happy half-birthday” to him, for Christ’s sake.

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The Toddler’s “Emotional Reaction” Flowchart

5 Mar

Emotional Reaction Flowchart3 The Toddlers Emotional Reaction Flowchart

“The (Baby) Weight”

4 Mar MI0001962179

As a youngster, I used to enjoy writing “Weird Al”-style song parodies. I wrote one that changed the title of one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons to “Muppet Rabies”. I told a story about a classmate who appeared on “Teen Jeopardy” by re-purposing the tune of Rush’s “Tom Sawyer”. At a friend’s request, I once wrote something bashing Derek Jeter and jammed it inside an Eminem song.

As I grew older, I occasionally found a new outlet for this supreme waste of time.

A few years ago, I helped my wife alter some lyrics to the song “Razzle Dazzle” so she could perform it at her company’s talent show (don’t ask). And just last year I whipped up a “Paradise City” parody that referenced Pope Benedict’s abrupt retirement and posted it on Twitter. It’s been retweeted 1,314 times and is easily my most popular tweet, even though I’ve written several about potty training.

I just can’t seem to stop writing the stupid parodies, and yet I’ve never written one about my son (unless you include the one where I sing his name to the tune of the “CHiPs” theme song). Until now. I apologize in advance for wasting your time.

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You Only Live Once

27 Feb YOLO, you only live once, reincarnation, parenting, humor, ghost inside my child, lifetime TV, funny, belief, imagination, kids, children, teaching

I’ve seen some pretty stupid articles on the internet. Like the one about Frozen having a gay agenda. Or the one about Obama being a Muslim. Or the one about Andy’s mom having once been a child. YEAH RIGHT.

But nothing is as stupid as this one. Sorry, this one. It was on HuffPo the other day (I post on there!), and it’s about how to tell if your kid was reincarnated.

As most people know, there’s no such thing as reincarnation. As most parents know, the only person their kid is a reincarnation of is Mommy or Daddy. And apparently maybe Hitler.

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The Sick Day Scramble

25 Feb 601601_585893908135997_371797180_n

It’s terrible when your kid gets sick. Especially when he barely knows it.

My son is three and a half, and this winter he’s had a few tough colds. The coughing, the sore throat, the eternally running nose (although he’s had one of those since he was born, so that’s more of a curse than a health issue), all have reared their heads at one time or another, much to our dismay. Of course, being a resilient, happy-go-lucky kind of guy, Detective Munch barely seems to notice his own symptoms.

Unfortunately, his preschool does notice them. His teachers are like dogs; they can smell sickness. So he’s forced to stay home. And that is a huge hassle.

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Not So Fast, Business Baby!

22 Feb meme, business baby, funny, kids, children, baby on cell, reddit, babble, parenting, parents, fathers, multitasking, working

So you may have seen the “Business Baby” meme that’s going around…

My son has something to say about it, and this time it’s personal not just gibberish.

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How a Trip to the ER Made Me a Better Parent

20 Feb parenting, experience, mistakes, emergency room, dad and buried, mary poppins, dick van dyke

To tell you the truth, I don’t remember a lot about it.

I remember the panic. I remember the dark smudges on my son’s face. I remember sitting in the emergency room watching “30 Rock” on mute, desperately hoping we’d be able to go home soon.

I had accidentally spilled some prescription pills on the floor while my son played nearby. After cleaning them up and being unable to verify how many were in the bottle beforehand, we were terrified that he might have ingested one. It was just an accident. The bottle fell. It wasn’t sitting there open, it wasn’t within my son’s reach. It simply fell. But accident or not, it was still my fault.

Yeah, I definitely remember the panic.

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