I’ve never really liked post-apocalyptic movies.
You know the ones, where the world is shit, whether by circumstance or calamity, and everyone left is fighting for survival and scrounging for sustenance. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome‘s dry, desert dystopia just depresses me (although I definitely enjoyed Fury Road). Everyone is so dirty! It looks miserable. One of the reasons people prefer The Empire Strikes Back to Star Wars is because for once, a href=”https://instagram.com/p/4bzR5EjepO” target=”_blank”>Tattoine isn’t involved.
The good news is I’m almost 40; the odds of having to experience such a hellscape in real life dwindle with every birthday I have. The bad news is that with every birthday he has, my son may actually be getting closer to experiencing such a life.
Thankfully, I don’t really care.
Parenting is an experiment.
You keep trying new things, seeing what works (nothing) and what doesn’t (everything), and shifting your techniques accordingly until you land on the perfect (read: imaginary) combination and tend to your impressionable child until he sprouts into a flawless adult.
Unfortunately, that’s all a waste of time. Not only because parenting is impossible to game plan, and because it turns out we’re the test subjects.
Back when I was single, the internet barely existed.
Social media certainly wasn’t a thing yet; I graduated college before Facebook even launched. And online dating? It was something only the most desperate, undesirable people did to find love.
The fact that I met Mom and Buried through the internet used to inspire chuckles. If it happened today, no one would even blink. Of course, today, if I were looking for someone via an online service, it wouldn’t be for a romantic dinner. It would be for some parenting backup!
I wonder what Tinder for parents would look like?
A good friend of mine just had his first baby.
Yesterday, in honor of the happy occasion, I pumped the brakes on my signature snark and shared a rare cheesy post, about some of the the unexpected pleasures of fatherhood. Then I went home, told my son to stop doing something, and had this exchange:
“Because I said so!”
“That’s not a reason.”
Needless to say, today I’m back to my old self.
Sometimes you just get lucky.
In my ongoing attempt to become the primary destination for parents who want to talk shit about their children, I am occasionally afforded some fun opportunities from brands who have a sense of humor or who haven’t actually read my blog. I got to participate in a photo shoot with Dove Men+ Care, I’ve written about some cool products, I’ve even been on a podcast or two. (Not lately though, AHEM!)
Every now and again, someone will reach out with an offer that seems to have little connection to my blog or even my life, like when a company that makes air purifiers asked me if I’d like to try one of their products.
You wouldn’t think such a thing was necessarily in line with my content, and normally it wouldn’t be. But as “luck” would have it, Detective Munch had just gotten some bad news from the allergist…