Parenting Regrets

Parenting Regrets

I still remember the night I got a call from my oldest friend and he told me his wife was pregnant. I’ve known this dude since the second grade (Turkey Hill Elementary School Class of ’86 represent!) and he was the first friend of mine to become a parent. It was a big deal.

I was young at the time, and drunk at the time (and maybe other things at the time?) and I had some strong suggestions for how he should raise his child. Living the single life in Southie, having kids of my own was still a long way off for me, but that didn’t matter. I had OPINIONS.

Even just thinking about it makes me hate myself. I knew nothing. More than 12 years later, I still know nothing. Nothing except the stuff I wish I hadn’t done.

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Treat Yo Self

Treat Yo Self

Children are expensive.

And not just like, “Wow, I didn’t expect it to cost that much!” expensive, more like, “Wow, the cost of this item is really cramping my style, I should probably return it!” expensive, and maybe even “I bet if I sold this I’d make a fortune!” expensive.

They’re the kind of expensive that makes you question your life choices. Parents need some guilt-free spending to offset our crushed dreams.

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Things Parents Wish We Could Get Away With

Things Parents Wish We Could Get Away With

Parenting comes with a lot of rules.

Whether you’re a strict mom or a cool dad (or vice-versa!), when it comes to raising kids, there are a million dos and don’ts. Some of them are universal (do feed them, don’t show them pornography, do brush their teeth, don’t let them drive, etc.) and some of them differ by household (for example, you don’t let your kids watch TV, whereas my 6-year-old woke up with nightmares about last week’s Legion; to each their own!)

But in our weakest moments, and we all have them, every parent wants to ditch the rule book. Every parent wishes there were certain things s/he could get away with, if not for society and laws and potentially scarring/endangering our kids.

What kinds of things? I’m glad you asked!

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Things Kids Love That Parents Hate

Things Kids Love That Parents Hate

If you’re in the northeast, odds are you had a snow day yesterday. Congratulations, I’m sorry.

I live in Brooklyn, and thanks to Stella, my son had the day off from school, and thanks to the subways being shut down, I was stuck at home with the rest of the snowed-in Buried clan. The kids were excited (let’s just give The Hammer the benefit of the doubt), but the parents? Not so much.

Snow days are one of many things that are great when you’re a kid, but not so great as an adult.

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When Trolls Attack!

When Trolls Attack!

My son loves the movie Trolls. At first I thought he was trolling me by pretending to love it, but nope. He really does.

Anyway, I love trolls too, just not the ones in that movie. (Although I may be protesting a bit too much; it’s not that bad. It’s certainly not as bad as my son’s other favorite musical troll movie, Strange Magic!) My favorite trolls are the ones who come to my blog and social pages to accuse me of being a terrible parent who hates his kids.

First of all, if that’s all you got, you need to step your game up. A good 50% of my own material concerns how much I hate my kids. Do better!

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