The Parenting Perks of New York City

The Parenting Perks of New York City

This morning, my wife texted me in a panic because she couldn’t find her membership card to the Staten Island Children’s Museum she wanted to visit with our kids.

Later, she texted me a photo of my 7-month-old at a museum, putting some filth-ridden toy in his mouth, the goofy idiot. I texted back, both to insult my son for being a goofy idiot and to ask at which museum she’d ended up, because I knew she’d never found her membership card.

I also knew that didn’t matter. Because we live in New York City.

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Stupid Parenting Controversies

Stupid Parenting Controversies

Parents get up in arms about all sorts of things.

It makes sense. Our kids are important to us, so things that affect them are important to us too. But so many parenting issues grow contentious as initial feelings of concern become loaded with judgment and superiority. The next thing you know, there are full-blown controversies over how other people are raising their kids.

I do my best not to get involved in those stupid parenting controversies.

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The Bully Problem

The Bully Problem

Last year, my six-year-old had some trouble with bullies on his school bus.

It’s almost insane to say, “bullies” and “six-year-old,” especially in an era when more attention is on the dangers of bullying than ever before, but here we are. And he’ll be taking the same bus in September.

My wife and I doing our best to squash it, which isn’t easy when your kid is too young to emotionally protect himself, too young to understand how to defend himself, too young to understand why it’s even happening. Hell, I’m 40 and I don’t understand why it’s happening!

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Don’t Make Me Your Cautionary Tale

Don’t Make Me Your Cautionary Tale

I don’t care what people think of my parenting.

Let me clarify: I don’t care what people who aren’t in my family think of my parenting.

I appreciate everyone who reads my stuff, even the humorless prigs who think I’m the Worst Father On Earth because I make jokes online, but I am well aware that none of you see the full picture of my parenting. Your judgment, positive and negative, is both incomplete and invalid. You see what I want you to see.

That said, there’s one reaction I can’t stomach. And it’s not the one you think.

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