I have a lot of stuff on my mind, lately, most of which revolves around the forthcoming arrival of my second child.

We are about the enter the final trimester, and as we cross that checkpoint, shit is getting real. We just moved to a bigger place in order to make room for both the baby and for all the attendant baby gear we’re going to need. In fact, we’ve already started accumulating some of it.

And yet all the baby stuff that has begun filling up our physical space is nothing compared to the baby stuff that’s been filling up my head space.

I often lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering how I’m going to handle everything coming my way in the next three to six to twenty-four to what’s-eighteen-times-twelve? months.

They say writing your worries down often helps put your mind at ease, so I’ve put together a quick list of the things I’m worrying about as we enter the final countdown.

It’s Guy Anxiety 2: Electric Boogaloo! Not that women can’t have these fears as well. I just don’t happen to be one. YET.

• The baby’s health
• Mom and Buried’s health (this pregnancy has been tough)
• My health
• My mental health
• Money for everything we need for the baby
• Space for everything we need for the baby
• My energy
• My sleep
• Crying it out
• Space for everything we need for the baby plus diapers
• Money for everything we need for the baby plus diapers
• Dirty diapers
• The smell of dirty diapers
• The accumulation of dirty diapers
• Space for the accumulation of large amounts of dirty diapers
• Changing dirty diapers
• Disposing of large bags of dirty diapers
• Swaddling the baby
• Burping the baby
• Feeding the baby
• Bathing the baby
• Doing anything with a baby
• I DON’T REMEMBER HOW TO DEAL WITH BABIES!
• Babyproofing
• Traveling with a baby
• Traveling with a baby and a five-year-old
• Allergies
• Height percentages
• Weight percentages
• Head-size percentages FOR SOME REASON
• Vaccinating
• Milestone-crossing
• Comparing the new baby to Detective Munch
• Accidentally comparing the new baby to Detective Munch in front of Detective Munch
• Detective Munch’s jealousy
• Soothing Detective Munch’s jealousy with bribes
• Money for bribes
• Money for everything we need for the baby plus diapers plus bribes and also a lot of booze
• Free time(Nah, strike that: there’s no point in worrying about things that don’t exist)
• All the crying (by the baby)
• All the crying (by me)