This week, I’ve been “working from home” while managing my baby and entertaining my five-year-old. Needless to say, it hasn’t been the most fun week I’ve ever had.

Shockingly, the baby is a piece of cake compared to the five-year-old.

Somehow, Detective Munch has found a way to turn a twelve-hour day into one that feels like it’s 312 hours. It’s the longest day of all time. With that many hours to fill, it’s no wonder he’s so bored.

We’re staying with friends this week, which means that even if Detective Munch weren’t a relentless co-sleeper, we’d be forced to bunk with him anyway. There simply isn’t enough room. So from the minute he opens his eyes until the second Mommy walks in, I am in charge of these two clowns. It hasn’t been pretty.

Here’s a timeline of my day, the longest day I’ve ever experienced. Until tomorrow, at least.

6:00AM (or earlier): Can we get up yet?
6:15-6:45: Now can we get up?
7:00: “I’m hungry!”
7:15: “I’m bored!”
*Baby crying interlude*
7:30: “Can I watch something?”
7:31 – 7:45: Crying.
7:50: “I’m thirsty!”
8:00 – 8:30: Sprinting around the house for some reason
8:45: “I’m bored!”
9:00: “What are we doing today?”
9:10: “I’m thirsty!”
9:20: “Can I watch something?”
9:21 – 9:30: Crying.
9:45: “I’m hungry!”
10:00: “I’m bored!”
10:05: “Can I use the tablet?”
12:00PM: “I’m hungry!”
12:05: “Can we go to the playground?”
*Baby crying interlude*
12:30: “I’m bored!” (This is while we’re literally AT THE PLAYGROUND. He’s standing on a slide.)
1:00: “I’m hungry!” (There’s food in his mouth.)
1:15: “Can I watch something?”
1:20: Daddy queues up the entire Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies because honestly who GAF at this point?
2:00: “I’m bored!”
*Baby crying interlude*
3:00: “I’m thirsty!”
3:01: “I’m thirsty!” (This one is actually me. Is it five yet?)
3:05 – 3:30: Sprinting around the house for some reason
3:31 – 3:45: Band-aid application.
4:00: “I’m bored!”
4:10 – 4:30: Emergency couch cleaning operation.
4:30: “Can I use the tablet?”
4:45: “I’m hungry!”
4:46 – 5:00: Crying.
5:01 – 5:30: “When is Mommy coming home?”
*Everyone crying interlude*
6:00: Mommy walks in.
6:01: Daddy shotguns five beers.

Did I mention I was also trying to work during all that? And that I left out about 50 “I’m bored!”s and a handful of crying interludes and maybe some inappropriate language and/or some inappropriately early drinking by Daddy?

Is it September yet?