I hate talking on the phone. I hate it so much that if we are in the middle of a conversation via text, and then you call me, I will ignore the phone and continue texting you.

First of all, talking on the phone is the literal worst. Second of all, whether you respond to an email with a phone call, respond to a text with a email, or respond to a phone call with a text, changing mediums MID-CONVERSATION is the height of rudeness!

Well, actually calling someone is the height of rudeness, but switching mediums midstream is a close second! Anyway, here are three scenarios illustrating why texting is better than calling.

WHY TEXTING IS BETTER THAN CALLING

(Disclaimer: The following scenarios are purely fictional. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. The truth contained within, however, is unimpeachable.)

SCENARIO 1: FRIEND
A. PHONE CALL
Guy 1: Hello?
Guy 2: Hey man. What’s up?
Guy 1: Nothing. Watching the game.
Guy 2: Who’s winning?
Guy 1: Let’s not talk about it.
Guy 2: Ha ha, sorry, man. So, you got plans later?
Guy 1: I dunno, what’s up?
Guy 2: Gonna hit the bar with JP, have a few pops and watch the four o’clock games.
Guy 1: *sigh*
Guy 2: It’s no big deal, just a heads up.
Guy 1: Nah, it’s cool. But we’re still unpacking and the wife is all over me for even watching this right now. I doubt I can make it but won’t really know ’til later.
Guy 2: Gotcha. No big deal. Gimme a call or just show up if you can.
Guy 1: Cool man.
Guy 2: Later!
Guy 1: See ya.

B. TEXT
Guy 1: Hitting the bar for football.
Guy 2: Can’t.

***

SCENARIO 2: SPOUSE
A. PHONE CALL
Wife: I stopped at the store. Need anything?
Husband: Um, maybe grab me some beer.
Wife: What kind?
Husband: What do they have?
Wife: I see Bud.
Husband: Ugh.
Wife: Bud Light.
Husband: Ugh.
Wife: Miller Lite.
Husband: Ugh.
Wife: Coors Light.
Husband: Ugh.
Wife: Blue Moon.
Husband: No.
Wife: Guinness.
Husband: Nah.
Wife: Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
Husband: Please.
Wife: I was joking.
Husband: (to someone else) KEEP IT DOWN, DADDY’S ON THE PHONE!
Wife: Is he in his PJs yet?
Husband: What else do they have?
Wife: A bunch of craft beers. PJs?
Husband: He’s still in the bath. Which ones?
Wife: Since I left? It’s been like thirty minutes! He’ll be a prune! I don’t know, name some.
Husband: I CAN HANDLE IT! Lagunitas?
Wife: Don’t see it.
Husband: Stone?
Wife: What’s it look like?
Husband: It has a gargoyle on it. Wait, do they have Bell’s Two Hearted?
Wife: What’s it look like?
Husband: (to someone else) YOU’RE GETTING WATER EVERYWHERE, GODDAMMIT!
Wife: Great parenting.
Husband: This is why I need the beer.
Wife: There’s some Sixpoint.
Husband: What about Bell’s?
Wife: (to someone else) Excuse me, do you work here?
Husband: …
Wife: (to someone else) Do you have Bell’s Two Hearted?
Husband: …
Wife: He’s walking me to it.
Husband: …
Wife: They’re out of it.
Husband: What else do they have?
Wife: Um…
Husband: (to someone else) THAT’S IT, NO DESSERT!

B. TEXT
Husband: Grab me some beer.
Wife: *sends pic of beer selection*
Husband: The one with the gargoyle on it.
Wife: 🙂

***

SCENARIO 3: MOTHER
A. PHONE CALL
Son: Hello?
Mom: Hello, dear.
Son: Hi Mom.
Mom: You sound tired.
Son: Ok.
Mom: Your father and I were talking, and we’re just not going to be able to make it this weekend. Aunt Peg just arrived and the drive is too far for her after all of that travel. You know how her back gets. Your brother says the traffic will be an issue and I don’t want to put your father through that. Plus it’s supposed to rain and I think it’s just too much this time. We can find another weekend to see your new place.
Son: Ok.
Mom: Speaking of your brother, give him a call, he mentioned something about need help moving and you know with Lisa working all the time it’s not easy for them to schedule it. Besides, when’s the last time you two chatted? I know it’s not easy living in separate states but you’re brothers you should keep in touch. Maybe you can do him a favor with the move, just give him a call and find out?
Son: Ok.
Mom: We’re visiting Grandma on her birthday next week. 104! She’s been doing better but can’t move around a lot yet, and she hasn’t been eating enough. Still smart as a whip though, god bless her, the nurses get a real kick out of her! Being 104 doesn’t stop her from complaining about how loud her roommate snores! I’ll tell her you said hello. She still thinks you’re in college.
Son: Ok.
Mom: I don’t know if you heard, it was in the obituaries yesterday, but Mr. Wheaton passed away. In his sleep, thank God. So young! We’re attending the wake on Monday, depending on when your father gets off work. I hope there’s no traffic. There’s going to be a lot of people there, let me tell you. You remember how big their holiday parties were? I don’t know how Jacqueline does it! So sad. But the people! Last year they had 60 guests for Thanksgiving. They set up a tent in their backyard! A TENT! Can you believe it?
Son: Ok.
Mom: I hope your new job is going okay! I made sure to call you at home I didn’t want to bug you at work; I know how busy you are. I sent the coat you forgot on your last trip home, let me know when you get it, and make sure to wear it, it’s getting cold! Boy, I hope it’s not another snowy winter like last year! We weren’t dug out until May!
Son: Ok.
Mom: I’ll talk to you next week. Everything good with Debra?
Son: Yup.
Mom: Tell her I’ll give her a call soon.
Son: Ok.
Mom: Love you.
Son: Love you too.
Mom: Get a good night, you sound exhausted!
Son: Ok.

B. TEXT
My mother doesn’t text.

This was originally posted on Medium