I love my kids, I just hate parenting
As of this morning, I’ve been a parent of two children for four months and one day. Thanks to the five-year separation in their ages, it doesn’t always feel like it.
When Mom and Buried and I decided to have another kid, we worried about the bigger-than-desired age gap, but so far, it’s making things easier for us. So much so that I sometimes forget I have two kids!
I don’t mind the sibling age gap.
As you may know, I spent last week in Turks and Caicos.
It was gorgeous. Warm and sunny and, aside from the pristine ocean and the hotel pools, dry. Mom and Buried and Detective Munch started our last day in the warm tropical water and ended our last day in the cold, miserable rain outside Newark airport. It was quite the jarring shift, especially when the rain continued all weekend.
Further dampening (NAILED IT!) my mood was the realization that Mother’s Day is around the corner. I was exhausted (vacation with kids is no joke), and had little motivation to leave the house. Especially not in the rain.
But I had to go shopping.
We’re going on a family vacation in two weeks!
That’s right, at the end of April, we will be visiting a tropical island to soak up the sun and relax for a few days. But don’t be too jealous, it’s called a “family vacation” because for some reason we’re bringing both kids.
I might get accidentally lost in the airport and send Mom and Buried alone.
I have two kids now. I’ve never been more of an expert on what it takes to be exhausted and annoyed 24/7.
Which makes today the perfect time for another round of my unprofessional, ill-considered, potentially criminal parenting advice! (Check out all of the previous installments.)
And I actually got a handful of solid questions! Too solid, really. It was a struggle to make fun of them! It’s almost like you people are starting to take me seriously. STOP IT.
Read more about Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 13 …
I guess I’m a party pooper. My son turned five in September, and as usual, my wife threw him an elaborate and expensive birthday party, complete with a theme, of course. Now that we have another kid to celebrate, the birthday party nightmare is only going to get worse.
When Detective Munch turned one, it was a circus theme. For two, it was Yo Gabba Gabba! At three, it was all about trains, and at four, he and his friends got capes and dressed as superheroes. This time around, it was a pirate-themed affair, complete with invitations that looked like—and were actually burned at the edges to look like—old treasure maps, a corresponding treasure hunt, and plastic swords and eye-patches for all the scurvy little dogs to take home and subsequently use to terrorize their parents.
It was fun. My son had fun, his friends had fun, everyone had fun. Even the adults! (We provided beer and mimosas because WE’RE NOT MONSTERS.) That doesn’t mean I want to do it again.