12
Apr
Dealing with Tantrums
Ah, tantrums. Even the word sucks. But it’s got nothing on the experience.
When you have a toddler, they are impossible to avoid. But, rumor has it there are ways to defuse them.
If you’ve got the balls.
Category: Fear
04
Apr
Babies Who Love Babies
My son’s a pedophile.
I mean, he’s not in NAMBLA yet or anything, or even NABBLA (North American Baby/Baby Love Association, which I don’t think exists and will not be Googling to find out), but man, does he love him some babies.
29
Mar
I Learned It By Watching Someone Else!
My son is at the age where he’s constantly imitating his parents, which is cute, but could eventually get problematic, especially once he can really talk. My wife and I haven’t yet gotten the hang of the whole “we’re role models” aspect of parenting and we swear like sailors (foul-mouthed sailors.) So I worry that our son is going to pick up some bad habits.
That said, I’m not letting some snot-nosed little kid change my personality/behavior/way of life. I mean, I’m like ten times his size and a LOT smarter. A LOT SMARTER. I could literally throw him in the cabinet under the sink and go watch March Madness all day while wearing a beer helmet and he couldn’t do a thing about it. He can’t work latches! So no, I’m not changing for some mush-mouthed nincompoop, not after working my ass off all week long. I’ve gotta live my life too, junior!
But I still want him to grow up right, just without, ya know, working hard at raising him. So, as we Americans do, I sought out a short-cut. And I found one, in television.
13
Mar
Teenagers Are the Worst
My son is perfect. He’s super cute, he’s a total genius, he says “thank you,” and he has a killer long ‘do.
I mean, I know he’s not actually perfect, but he’s perfect to me. And while I never expected the rumors to be true, that this is how I would feel about my child once I became a father, they 100% are: I LOVE MY SON AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It’s too bad I’ll eventually hate his guts.
29
Feb
Toddlers are Crazy
My son is an anarchist. It’s not really his fault, since all toddlers are anarchists. But it’s just a stage he’s going through. I hope.
Maybe they’re not anarchists in the true sense of the word, since they aren’t so much about politics or even abolishing or ignoring rules; they don’t exactly grasp the concept of rules, so it might be a little unfair to label them that way. But it’s clear that they hate rules or boundaries of any kind, even if they can’t articulate why.
Regardless, living with an anarchist is hard work. And whether my son is technically an anarchist or just behaves like one, the end result is essentially the same: CHAOS.