Miracle on 34th Street

Miracle on 34th Street

Last week, my wife and I took our pride and joy (by which I mean our new iPhone 4S) and also our young son to visit Santa Claus at the Macy’s in Herald Square.

As residents of NYC it was a patently idiotic thing to do, as was visiting Rockefeller Center the week before; we’re not tourists, why would we subject ourselves to acting like them? The crush of people around 30 Rock was insane, and here I was trying to navigate a stroller through this mess of yokels, all of them hoping for a glimpse of Hoda or Tina Fey or the Snoopy balloon, all of them staring wide-eyed at the hot dog vendors and the skyscrapers, all of them losing their minds over a tree that wasn’t even lit in the middle of the day. Or maybe it was. I stood right next to it and didn’t even hazard a glance because who cares? I have one in my living room.

And yet last week we did it again. This time, we somehow made it through unscathed. It really was a miracle.

And that was what sucked about it.

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He Learned It By Watching Me?

He Learned It By Watching Me?

Watching a child grow and develop is an amazing thing, a true privilege as a parent. It allows even the most cynical, jaded and beaten-down of us to experience anew the simple joys of youth. It gives us a chance to revisit a sacred time of sublime innocence and joy, when the world wasn’t so complicated and shaded in gray. It is a sacred opportunity and it should be cherished.

Except when it sucks.

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Allergies: Yet Another Way My Son is Ruining My Life

Allergies: Yet Another Way My Son is Ruining My Life

Ever see that Brady Bunch episode where it seemed that Jan might be allergic to Mr. Brady? They actually considered a divorce! That actually happened. Just amazing television. What’s next, a series about a diminutive black child who lives with rich white people in a mansion?

Anyway, my wife took my son to the allergist yesterday and guess what happened? Not what happened in The Brady Bunch.

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The Inappropriate Collection: Things I Shouldn’t Show My Son, #4

The Inappropriate Collection: Things I Shouldn’t Show My Son, #4

There are a lot of things I’m afraid of my child eventually becoming: addicted to drugs, interested in speed-stacking, a Brony (just kidding, Bronies. Relax.)

Obviously, there will be times in his life when the things he likes don’t mesh with the things I like, and times in his life where he gets heavily into some things that he’ll later regret. Which is fine; happens to all of us. I remember when you were really into Kula Shaker.

But there’s some stuff out there that I just can’t abide…

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