29
Aug
The Toddler’s New Clothes
First things first:
I am NOT advocating for a society in which our toddlers run around buck-naked all the time. That’s insane.
But I do have some ideas about children’s dress codes.
Category: Future
22
Aug
Toddlers Are Assholes
My kid has been a real punk lately.
When your kids are at their most trying, it can make even the most seasoned parent question themselves. I say don’t. Especially if you’re parenting a toddler.
Toddlers are assholes and there’s not much you can do about it. Don’t let them bring you down.
13
Aug
(Driving Me) Mad Skills
My son is closing in on his third birthday, and he seems to be developing at an astonishing rate.
I’m not much for tracking development via checkpoints and milestones, but hardly more than a day goes by that I’m not impressed by something he says or does.
Unfortunately, not every ability he acquires is something to write home about. He’s good at a lot of things, but some of the things he’s good at are bad.
08
Aug
Ten Ways Having a Toddler is Like Being in Prison
As a parent, your schedule is often dictated by the needs of your child, especially when that child is young.
The necessity of getting a toddler home for a nap – as well as the need to get them to bed for the night before the sun has even gone down – can cripple your day. Being sequestered in your home for a few hours is usually better than dealing with a public meltdown from an overtired toddler, so sometimes the trade-off is worth it. Still, raising a toddler can be rather suffocating.
In fact, it’s uncanny how many aspects of the parenting experience are reminiscent of prison. Complete with a sadistic little warden who harbors a Napoleon complex.
Read more about Ten Ways Having a Toddler is Like Being in Prison …
02
Aug
Woman Up!
My son loves riding the merry-go-round at our local park.
He used to prefer the stationary animals, or even one of the stupid sled things, but as he’s become more enamored with the carousel he’s graduated to the real shit: the animals that slide up and down. I’m glad; there’s little point in even going on the thing if you’re not on one of those.
On our latest trip, I saw that my wife was letting our son ride some overgrown cat thing all by himself. And she chose to ride the animal next to him, rather than stand at his side to make sure he didn’t fall off! I sat on the sidelines (I chose the bench outside because going in circles makes my tummy hurt), panicking as my moron of a son repeatedly took one hand off the pole to wave at me as he went by. Meanwhile, Mom and Buried wasn’t even breaking a sweat.
I need to woman up. My wife has bigger balls than me.