I love my kids, I just hate parenting
I’m not going to say my son’s a genius.
I’m going to type it: MY SON IS A GENIUS.
Let me be clear: at my son’s young age, there is a lot he doesn’t know. Hell, at my age, there’s a lot I don’t know. But while my son is still figuring out how to feed himself, he’s been picking up all sorts of other knowledge and skills at an incredible rate.
So I thought I’d start posting about the new things he can do. In list form!
Last week, my wife and I took our pride and joy (by which I mean our new iPhone 4S) and also our young son to visit Santa Claus at the Macy’s in Herald Square.
As residents of NYC it was a patently idiotic thing to do, as was visiting Rockefeller Center the week before; we’re not tourists, why would we subject ourselves to acting like them? The crush of people around 30 Rock was insane, and here I was trying to navigate a stroller through this mess of yokels, all of them hoping for a glimpse of Hoda or Tina Fey or the Snoopy balloon, all of them staring wide-eyed at the hot dog vendors and the skyscrapers, all of them losing their minds over a tree that wasn’t even lit in the middle of the day. Or maybe it was. I stood right next to it and didn’t even hazard a glance because who cares? I have one in my living room.
And yet last week we did it again. This time, we somehow made it through unscathed. It really was a miracle.
And that was what sucked about it.
Earlier this week I wrote about the five baby-related items that made our first year as parents a little more bearable. These were all items in which our son had little say; because they were for us, not for him.
But now, as we get closer to Christmas, and our son gets closer to self-awareness, we have to take begin taking his “interests” into consideration.
Read more about The Anti-Christmas List: Five Gifts My Son Won’t Be Getting …
My son has been giving me the creeps: I’m starting to think that he sees dead people.
Even worse, if he has anything else in common with Haley Joel Osment, he is going to be UGLY AS SIN when he hits puberty.
I do and say a lot of inappropriate things around my son, things I convince myself are okay since he’s barely 1 and there’s a) zero chance he’ll remember them and b) little chance they’ll impact him in the long-run.
But I know that these things will only become MORE inappropriate as he grows in age and understanding just as I know I won’t be able to stop doing and saying most of them for the foreseeable future.
So, with today’s debut of a new feature, I am going to try and get some of the best examples out of my system, one week at a time.
Read more about The Inappropriate! Collection – Things I Shouldn’t Show My Son, #1 …