31 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in holidays 2 comments

Just Watch It

On Easter Sunday, or, as I like to call it, Spring Christmas, my son got approximately thirty different baskets full of candy and toys.

It’s understandable that my family, which is largely devoid of small children to spoil, is so enthusiastic about doting on my five-year-old. But that doesn’t make his ridiculous bounty any easier to stomach. When I was a kid, I got some chocolate, some peeps, and a stupid kite. My son got an unhealthy amount of Cadbury eggs, enough Peeps to caulk a bathtub, and several LEGO sets.

To add insult to injury, I was forced to assemble the sets. It did not go well.

The Five Stages of Throwing a Fit

Kids aren’t good at very many things, but they are good at going berserk on their parents for no reason.

After a while, you get used to their antics, and learn enough about their irrational ways that you can properly anticipate, and safely weather, one of their outbursts.

If you’re not yet schooled in the five stages of throwing a fit, don’t worry. I’m here to help.

16 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Babies No comments

Diamonds are Forever

My son’s first crush has reared its head.

There’s a girl in his kindergarten class that he’s constantly pretending to marry. I don’t know if his proposal involves an engagement ring, he has no money, and he may not even know about that part of the ritual yet. But I’m pretty sure he’ll learn about it soon.

Because despite an ancient screenplay I wrote that flipped the script by having girls propose to guys with an “engagement watch,” odds are the diamond ring will maintain its hegemony for at least another generation or so. So he’d better start saving now!

Read more about Diamonds are Forever …

14 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Future 8 comments

All Parents are Hypocrites

Parenting turns us all into hypocrites.

Throughout our lives, we all encounter situations in which it behooves us to disavow any and all association with certain… unsavory behaviors from our pasts. Like during a job interview, or upon meeting your girlfriend’s parents, or at church.

But those instances are short-lived, and you can go right back to being a rock star when they’re over. Unless you have kids.

Because parenting never ends.

04 Mar

Dad and Buried Posted in Lists No comments

Premature Parenting Challenges

My son is five years old.

Sounds cute, right? He’s still little! He still snuggles with a blankey thing; he often mispronounces words in adorable ways; he still likes to sleep in our bed!

It all sounds downright Disney… unless you have a five-year-old of your own. Then it’s more like Tim Burton.

Dad and Buried

Tag: learning

Just Watch It

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The Five Stages of Throwing a Fit

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Diamonds are Forever

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All Parents are Hypocrites

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Premature Parenting Challenges

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