I love my kids, I just hate parenting
Detective Munch and I haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye a lot lately. We tend to butt heads as is, but lately it’s been a bit intense.
I say stop, he says go! I say yes, he says no! I say up, he says left! (We’re working on his opposites.) Some of it is typical five-year-old defiance, some of it is clashing priorities, some of it is matching personalities.
Thankfully, we do have some common ground.
Moms, I know you love your kids. But don’t you kind of wish you didn’t have to go through pregnancy to get them? I know you love your husbands too, but isn’t it frustrating that they don’t have to experience the grueling marathon of labor?
Damn right it is.
Mom and Buried is at the tail end of a grueling year, and (after you take into account her irresistible looks) she has no one to blame for it but the guy who knocked her up. I know how hard the last nine months have been on Mom and Buried, so you can’t tell me she wouldn’t love a little revenge. I bet you all would.
This holiday season, you’re in luck!
My dad loves fantasy movies.
He loves them so much that it doesn’t matter how bad they are, how low-rent the production is, how terrible the cast is or how pitifully stupid they end up being. If there’s a dragon or some magic involved, he’s in. No questions asked.
My wife is the same way with movies about Christmas. And there are a LOT of them.
Kids are gullible. And stupid. And loud. And annoying. And lazy. And way too energetic…
Sorry, lost my train of thought for a second.
The point is, kids will believe anything. Believe me, I know; I’ve tested this. Extensively. And I will continue to test it, both to keep verifying my findings like a proper scientist and because lying to children is so damn entertaining!
At least for a while…
I’m no stranger to giving passive-aggressive gifts to subtly – or not – display my true feelings.
But my in-laws don’t play.
Thanks to the gift they got for my son, Christmas will be a not-so-silent night this year.