10 Ways Having Kids is Like Writing a List About Things That Are Like Having Kids

20 Nov

I’ve been writing a lot of lists lately.

As a result, my friend at AskYourDadBlog – a far nicer, far more successful, far more irritating outfit – thought he’d be clever and insult my recent rash of list-making by suggesting a new one, called “10 Ways Having Kids is Like Writing a List About Things That Are Like Having Kids.”

Joke’s on him though, because I DID it. And it’s glorious. And it fills me with (more) self-loathing.

10 Ways Having Kids is Like Writing a List About Things That Are Like Having Kids

  1. Making them is a real pain in the ass
  2. Everyone gets angry at you if you name them something stupid
  3. Create more than three and everyone thinks you’re crazy
  4. Create only one and everyone wonders why you don’t make more
  5. You hope everyone likes how it turns out but mostly you don’t care because you’re just happy to have gotten through it
  6. Sometimes it’s a struggle to remember why you even bothered to begin with
  7. Someone’s always telling you what you did wrong
  8. Swear too much and people ask you to tone it down
  9. Using bullets is frowned upon
  10. Sometimes you don’t even like doing it but you power through in the hopes that it gets you on The Huffington Post

That actually turned out pretty well. I’m kind of inspired to make more! Thanks, John!

Please send all suggestions for future lists along, because we all know they are easy and fast and have a tendency to go viral. Why do you think there are so many?

(Go visit John’s blog, where he writes a bunch of touchy-feely stuff that everyone loves because he’s like a cuddly little bunny rabbit and everyone loves bunny rabbits. EXCEPT ME.)


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10 Responses to “10 Ways Having Kids is Like Writing a List About Things That Are Like Having Kids”

  1. John Kinnear November 20, 2013 at 10:57 am #

    This is the most glorious list in the history of lists. I could write a list about the 7 reasons I love this list. I won’t, but I could. Keep up the good work Mike! You know I love your lists – with all of my heart.
    John Kinnear recently posted…A Prayer for My SonMy Profile

  2. Kim Bongiorno at Let Me Start By Saying November 20, 2013 at 11:16 am #

    Before this post creates a black hole of listy word play, I wanted to say I LOVE IT.
    Kim Bongiorno at Let Me Start By Saying recently posted…When Male Friendships Go Away Once the Wedding Ring Goes OnMy Profile

  3. Kelli Martinelli November 20, 2013 at 11:34 am #

    The problem with LOLing is that it gives legitimacy to the short and stupid “LOL” itself. But I just did that.
    Kelli Martinelli recently posted…Salt Dough Magnets and OrnamentsMy Profile

  4. Meredith November 20, 2013 at 12:55 pm #

    Well, I wrote an open letters to open letter. It was a stretch. :) Love your list though!!
    Meredith recently posted…Five Lies You Might Believe as a New BloggerMy Profile

  5. Zach Rosenberg November 20, 2013 at 8:40 pm #

    You are a masterful kind of dick.
    Zach Rosenberg recently posted…Hilarious ‘BroDads’ Talk Baby CrossFit, Shots & SnapsMy Profile

    • Dad and Buried November 20, 2013 at 11:08 pm #

      In my scrapbook of comments, this one will hold a place of honor.

  6. Hollow Tree Ventures November 21, 2013 at 10:08 am #

    You’re right, it IS glorious. And informative! **note to self: *don’t* use bullets**
    Hollow Tree Ventures recently posted…How to be a zen parentMy Profile

  7. Jonathan November 22, 2013 at 2:17 pm #

    I really enjoyed reading this. I guess that another reason that kids can be like lists is that maybe they can sometimes be hard to find when you’re actually at the supermarket. I can remember writing lists but not being able to find them once I got to the supermarket, and as a kid sometimes liked to go off exploring when we were at the supermarket.
    Jonathan recently posted…Parenting clubs shouldn’t just be for mumsMy Profile

    • Dad and Buried November 22, 2013 at 2:35 pm #

      That is a GREAT point. I can never find my lists and always end up taking home the wrong stuff. Thankfully I’ve yet to take home the wrong kid. Thanks for reading!

  8. James November 30, 2013 at 5:42 pm #

    I’m a serial list maker and a serial list not follower. It’s a curse. Great list!

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