Things Only Kids Can Say

Things Only Kids Can Say

Kids say the darndest things. They also say the ballsiest things. Things only kids can say.

If I went around talking to my wife, my boss, my friends, anyone the way that my son often talks to his mother, to me, to his friends, strangers on the subway? I’d be divorced, fired, and drinking totally alone. Which might not be that bad, now that I think about it…

Children get away with a lot of stuff, especially in the early years.

For example…

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Ignoring is Bliss

Ignoring is Bliss

I can’t pretend (despite the fact that I sometimes do pretend) to know the first thing about how to properly raise your kids. But there are a few obvious dos and don’ts:

There’s one thing that should have its own category, though.

  • Okay to do Sometimes, Depending on the Situation: Ignore them.

Ignoring your kids is not advisable. Except when it is. And then it’s glorious. Because ignoring is bliss.

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My Wife is Better Than Me

My Wife is Better Than Me

When it comes to parenting, I don’t buy into gender stereotypes or biological imperatives or how they feel on “Mad Men”.

It’s 2015! Parenting tasks are no longer divided solely by gender, at least not in my house. It’s a team effort, a total 50/50 proposition, and moms and dads both have to go all-in to make it work.

That said, there are definitely some things my wife does better than me, and most of them aren’t gender-specific. (Unless you count being sick. Women totally dominate there.)

She had her birthday last week, so I thought I’d share a few of them. Better late than never!

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What Parents Need

What Parents Need

Yesterday, in advance of Mom and Buried’s upcoming sprinkle, I wrote a list of things I want for baby number two.

Some of them are ridiculous, completely unattainable fantasies, but aside from the booze – and the vasectomy(!) – pretty much all of them were for the baby.

Now that that’s over with, today I’m focusing on what parents need.

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Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 12

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 12

Nobody wants my advice much these days. even though a highly respected and totally anonymous website I’ve never heard of just called me a cross between Louis C.K. and Homer Simpson, which may or may not be a compliment?

I used to run these columns fairly regularly, but now, even when I bang the drum for questions, I hardly get enough to fill the space. Which is a shame, because my advice is not only terrible and potentially damaging, it’s funny and potentially damaging. But without questions, I can offer no answers.

Thus, this may be the last edition of Parental Advisories. You have only yourselves to blame.

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