Noise Tolerance

Noise Tolerance

Parenting is an experiment.

You keep trying new things, seeing what works (nothing) and what doesn’t (everything), and shifting your techniques accordingly until you land on the perfect (read: imaginary) combination and tend to your impressionable child until he sprouts into a flawless adult.

Unfortunately, that’s all a waste of time. Not only because parenting is impossible to game plan, and because it turns out we’re the test subjects.

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[E-card] Bite Club

[E-card] Bite Club

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club. The first rule of Bite Club is you never stop talking about Bite Club.

Seriously, if someone bites you, scream bloody murder and alert everyone in your vicinity! Biting is NOT acceptable, even if you’re just a toddler.

Because I don’t care if you’re Batman: getting bit HURTS.

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Inflategate

Inflategate

Is there anything more enticing to kids than a bouncy house?

Is there anything more nerve-wracking for parents than a bouncy house?

Most of these unregulated party props serve as manic mosh pits full of kids ranging from toddler to teen, and every one of them leaves their brain outside along with their sneakers. The only thing worse than the maelstrom that ensues should you try to prevent your kid from setting foot inside one of those things (forget Deflategate, Inflategate is REAL!) is the heart attack that ensues while you watch them navigate the bouncy box of doom.

Some holes just weren’t meant to be squeezed through, whether you’re wearing shoes or not!

(Allow me to apologize IMMEDIATELY for that imagery.)

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