Cruise Control

Cruise Control

There’s a running joke among parents that any vacation you take with your kids is not actually a vacation, it’s a trip. God knows I’ve leaned on this joke myself from time to time. Because it’s true.

If you ask most parents to name their best vacation ever, odds are they’ll cite one they went on before they had children. Or on which the kids were left behind. I would have said the same thing; both of my favorite vacations – my big fat Greek honeymoon, or our trip to Tuscany – took place pre-kids.

That changed last month, when I went on my new best vacation ever. And surprise surprise, I even brought my kids along! It was the best of both worlds.

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Parenting Travel Hack

Parenting Travel Hack

In late February, during my son’s winter break, we decided to head to Philly for the weekend. It was a great call.

Not only is Philadelphia an easy drive from Brooklyn, not only had it been way too long since I’d had DiNic’s ridiculous roast pork and broccoli rabe sandwich, not only had we long wanted to take the kids to the hyped (deservedly, it turns out!) Please Touch Children’s Museum, but the city of Brotherly Love was also the site of my first date with Mom and Buried!

Needless to say, this visit wasn’t exactly the same as the one that had launched our relationship some 13+ years ago. Nothing is the same once you have kids.

Especially traveling.

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Parenthood Is a Cult

Parenthood Is a Cult

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to join a cult.

Wait, no. I’ve always been fascinated by cults.

From Jonestown to Hale-Bopp, from the Manson Family to Scientology, the psychology of those kinds of groups – and the people who fall prey to them – has interested me.

But I never thought I’d join one myself. Then I had a kid.

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Mr. Invincible

Mr. Invincible

I’m not saying I’m a hero (I do replace the toilet paper a fair amount), but I do have some heroic qualities. All parents do.

Parenting requires superpowers. The same way emergencies case adrenaline to kick in and unlock heretofore unknown abilities when one is in danger, parenting reveals unknown reserves of strength, stamina, and, as my 7-year-old points out, invincibility.

He didn’t actually say that – he didn’t say anything, really, he just yelled “You’re the worst, I wish you weren’t my father!” but I survived that, and just a few minutes later, we were snuggling on the couch, watching a movie together.

So yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m invincible.

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The Breakfast Drub

The Breakfast Drub

This morning, I asked Detective Munch what he wanted for breakfast. He didn’t answer me.

You see, he was already whining about the fact that I’d asked him to get dressed before eating, because that’s not the way he usually does things, so it was perfectly understandable that he also collapsed to the ground as if he’d just gotten shot and was therefore ignoring my request for his breakfast order.

Parenting is fun!

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