I have my bona fides.

You’ve seen me on Huffington Post, inciting the rabble to abuse me with their humorless comments. You’ve seen me on Huffington Post saying serious things, providing insight. And you’ve seen me here, bitching about my son. Constantly.

Obviously, I’m a parenting EXPERT. Don’t believe me? ASK ME FOR SOME PARENTING ADVICE. I dare you.

My answers will blow your mind. And potentially lose you custody of your children.

WIN-WIN.

Ask a question via the form below and you may be featured in the next installment of “Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed!”

Seriously, ask. I’m begging you. It’s been a year since I’ve run my advice column because no one asks me shit. I’m lonely.

I promise: you don’t even have to understand why there’s a picture of John McClane on this page to receive my stellar advice.

See examples of my life-changing advice at the following links:

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 5
Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 4
Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 3
Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 2
Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 1