Everybody thinks their kid is God’s gift, but I’ve compiled a list of proof that my son actually is!

Read it and weep (at the feet of your new overlord).

Calm down, I’m not really claiming my unruly three-year-old is the Messiah – I doubt even toddler Jesus was this into trains – but after reading the following list, you may find yourself believing.

Ten Ways My Son is like Jesus

1. Christmas is all about him
2. He has long hair
3. People follow him around doing whatever he says (mostly me and his mom but it counts)
4. He says a lot of stuff that gets misinterpreted
5. He can turn water into whine
6. His mom was a virgin when he was conceived (IT’S TRUE SHUT UP)
7. I’ve seen him destroy a marketplace in a fit of rage
8. He’s sometimes referred to as “the King of the Juice”
9. I occasionally make him wash my feet
10. He thinks his father* is God

*mother