Mom and Buried returns with a look at the epic Zelda-themed birthday party she threw for Detective Munch

Full disclosure: I hate Pinterest.

I find both the interface and 80% of the stuff on there super annoying. But when my kids’ birthdays roll around, I become a temporary Pinterest mom. This was especially true this year, when Detective Munch chose The Legend of Zelda as his theme. There are no Zelda party packs, so it was a challenge. But when all was said and done, it was fun to see him get excited about so much of the stuff he loves from the Nintendo game being incorporated into the party – even if I had no idea what the hell most of it is!

I thought I’d write a summary in case anyone wants some inspiration of their own or for those following me as I prepped on social (I’m on Instagram now! And Facebook! At long last! Move over, D&B, MAMA’S HOME!)

In years past, the theme for Detective Munch’s birthday party has been Star Wars, superheroes, pirates, and more. Last year we did Harry Potter, which was my personal favorite.

They only seem to get more elaborate by the birthday, and this year, being blissfully clueless and completely uninterested in video games, I really had to put on my NERD cap to pull it off. Children are ruining me!

But I had to get things right, because Detective Munch is like me; his attention to detail is RELENTLESS! When we were drawing a particular Zelda monster onto balloons for one of the party games, he found our renderings inadequate, showed us the error of our ways, and handed back the 20 balloons we’d already done so we could correct them. You could practically see Dad and Buried’s head explode!

Here’s the rundown of all the Hyrulian-based Zelda party stuff:

The snack food was simple but all Zelda-themed. If you know anything about Zelda, which I previously did not and now know entirely too much about, I made things like “Jello ChuChus,” “Gummy Rupees,” chocolate-covered pretzel swords, and the aptly named “Dubious Food” from the game which, in this case, was a highly unhealthy mix of junk food.

Detective Munch complained that we never do cake (untrue) and always do cupcakes (which he still adorably calls “cupcapes” and no one better ever correct him!), which is true, because I’m lazy and they’re easier to clean up. (Also, cupcakes are FREAKING DELICIOUS!) But not only did the birthday boy ask for a cake, I had a “vision” for it, and was determined to make it happen.

I knew I wanted him to pull a (plastic) sword from the (cake) stone and for it to look as authentic as possible. So I entrusted my favorite neighborhood bakery, the amazing Buttermilk Bakeshop in Park Slope, Brooklyn, with the task. I emailed them some half-assed ideas and a couple of pics and let them run with it. They did not disappoint! All the kids thought it was super cool, Munch loved it though he did point out that in HIS version of the game the stone is triangular and not round because kids are the worst. But he had fun pulling out the sword and it was super delicious (and not even that expensive! I highly recommend Buttermilk to my Brooklyn peeps.)

For the main party, I led the kids on a “Heroes Quest.” They were given clues I had written to go to different “regions of Hyrule” (a.k.a., different rooms in our house) where they completed challenges and earned new (fairly harmless?) weapons.

We used a slingshot to shoot marshmallows, bows and arrows to attack cardboard cutouts of my son’s favorite Zelda monsters, and foam swords with which to knock down the aforementioned and now graphically-correct “Keese” (which are really just one-eyes bats. Just call them freaking bats! The Zelda people apparently like to make up random ass words for things that really already exist in nature just to troll normal, non-nerd people like me). For the last challenge, the kids had to drop “bombs,” a.k.a., water balloons, on a monster, a.k.a., Dad and Buried, who really took one for the team this year. Turns out 8-year-old boys do NOT fuck around. He emerged totally soaked, and only a little of it was beer.

Finally, the last clue led the kids to find Triforce-themed treasure in the form of a piñata (through I once again got shit from Munch on this one because the clue said it was in “Hyrule Castle” and it wasn’t, as if I have a fucking castle at my disposal. Buddy, if we lived in a castle, I sure as shit wouldn’t be spending my time entertaining a bunch of annoying 8-year-olds! You’d literally never see me. Happy birthday!)

And that’s a wrap! The kids got weapons and a shitload of sugar, their parents got to sit on our patio and drink booze while I entertained the kids for a couple of hours, I got a special day with my guy, and Detective Munch had an awesome birthday that he’s still sad is over. Now excuse me, I’m going to go have a martini on a Monday because I EARNED IT!

Oh, quick heads up, D&B, I’m done parenting for the week. Okay, thanks, love ya!