I love my kids, I just hate parenting
Yeah, I filled out a bracket or two. No, I didn’t catch much College Basketball this year. I HAVE A FUCKING BABY.
You think I have time for College Basketball? Hell no: I HAVE A FUCKING BABY.
Read more about March Madness and Babies: My Violent Torpedo of Truth …
…she already knows.
Last weekend we made the bold move of leaving our baby with a stranger while we went out for a nice dinner with friends. We arranged for her to watch the little guy for four hours, but with travel to and from the restaurant, it ended up being more like five. When we finally got home, I had to shell out a whole bunch of cash to the babysitter.
Going out for a night ended up costing us a small fortune. Oh, and the kid? Slept soundly the entire time the babysitter was there. Obviously.
Read more about Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter Costs a Fortune… …
The wife and I didn’t do much on Valentine’s Day.
The night before the “holiday,” Mr. Chubbles decided to wake up every hour and a half and scream until one of us went in there to give him a cuddle or a burp or some chloroform. So by the time Valentine’s Day itself rolled around, we were exhausted.
But we managed a little something. Can’t disappoint the florists and chocolatiers!
And the post-Xmas hangover begins. (Not an actual hangover, unfortunately. It seems having baby has transformed me into a teetotaler. These days I can’t seem to get past 3 beers without falling asleep on the couch.) More like a “back to work with no reprieve in sight” kind of hangover. I need a nap. YouRead more about In-nap-titude[…]
You owe it to yourself to humiliate your children.
When they’re older they’ll do it to themselves, whether they like it or not. It’s totally inevitable that at some point in their lives our children will be the focus of widespread ridicule as the result of some embarrassing miscue, whether it’s accidentally going into the girls’ bathroom or clumsily tripping on stage as they reach for their diploma or someone filming a video of them when they’re so drunk their attempts at speech sound like Chewbacca making love to the Hulk.
It’ll happen. Just as it’s happened to all of us. Until it does, it’s your job. And it must be done.