Category: stress

Baby Item Wish List
10 Nov
Posted in Future 2 comments

Baby Item Wish List

My wife’s friends are throwing her a sprinkle, which is both the name of a smaller, not-your-first-kid baby shower and a word I will spend the rest of my life trying to avoid saying.

As one does when generous friends plan to ease the stress and expense of preparing for a major life-changing event, my wife has started a registry. I have not seen this registry, and I may never see it. I may even be fabricating the fact that she even started one. I haven’t been paying attention.

Regardless, I decided to write a baby item wish list of things I think we need for baby #2, some of which are obvious, some of which are outlandish, and a few of which don’t actually exist.

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Letter to My Firstborn
30 Oct
Posted in Cheese 5 comments

Letter to My Firstborn

Among the many things on my mind as we prepare for the arrival of our second kid are my son’s feelings.

Welcoming a new baby to the family is going to be an adjustment for everyone, but the little boy who will suddenly be sharing a house, his toys, and his parents’ affection may have it hardest of all. No, my (eldest) son won’t be changing (many) diapers or getting up to feed his little brother (at least not all the time), but he’s not gonna be the only kid in town any more, and it won’t always be easy for him.

So I thought I’d take this opportunity, in the final stretch of calm before the storm, to reassure him.

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Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 12
23 Oct
Posted in Advice One comment

Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 12

Nobody wants my advice much these days. even though a highly respected and totally anonymous website I’ve never heard of just called me a cross between Louis C.K. and Homer Simpson, which may or may not be a compliment?

I used to run these columns fairly regularly, but now, even when I bang the drum for questions, I hardly get enough to fill the space. Which is a shame, because my advice is not only terrible and potentially damaging, it’s funny and potentially damaging. But without questions, I can offer no answers.

Thus, this may be the last edition of Parental Advisories. You have only yourselves to blame.

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Disciplinary Actions
21 Oct
Posted in Charts and Graphs No comments

Disciplinary Actions

It’s not easy to discipline your kids. To get the job done, I think we all try a little bit of everything.

There are countless recommendations out there, infinite cure-alls guaranteed to produce the perfect child IN DAYS! They range from time-outs to reward charts to taking away toys to whining back at them so they can see how ridiculous it feels. But none of them work.

When I discipline my kid, the progression is not so much 1-2-3-MAGIC as it is 9-1-1-HELP!

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Brand Awareness
20 Oct
Posted in Blogging 6 comments

Brand Awareness

If you follow my social accounts (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram), you may remember a photo shoot my son and I did with Dove Men+ Care back in February. We had a lot of fun that day, and despite the fact that in one of the photos I’m pretending to play a guitar that I wouldn’t be able to play even if it were actually plugged in, I’m not even being sarcastic!

How could I be, when Detective Munch looked so amazing in the resulting photos? We’re talking peak Andrew McCarthy, in the St. Elmo’s Pretty Mannequin at Bernie’s era.

I left that shoot thinking it might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and then they sent me a package of hair products. Ouch! Don’t they know the new baby stress is making me lose my hair?
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