22 Jan

Dad and Buried Posted in Learning 3 comments

Touch and No

I’m not a gamer. I never have gamed. And neither has my son.

There’s no Playstation in my house, no Xbox, no Wii. My son’s exposure to video games has been limited to the handful of times we’ve stumbled across an old arcade machine and I’ve tried to teach him how to play Pac-Man. He hasn’t been all that into it. (Probably because he’s TERRIBLE. You have to AVOID the ghosts, genius!)

But if his interest in the gaming devices his cousins were playing over the holidays was any indication, that’s about to change. Which means I’m going to have to shell out for a system.

Or am I? I recently got a new piece of hardware that is saving my ass. And my wallet. For now.

I Don’t Want to Hate My Son

I’ll say it again: I don’t hate my son.

I get frustrated with my kid and he pisses me off and he acts like an asshole (it’s in his genes) and I’m not afraid to say so (to everyone other than him), but I don’t actually hate him. If I did hate him, I certainly wouldn’t write about it, even in character. Which is the problem.

I enjoy playing “Dad and Buried”, exaggeratedly mocking my son and bitching about being a parent, even though I actually love my son, and I love being his dad. Except since he turned four, I haven’t been loving either of those things very much.

And it’s cramping Dad and Buried’s style.

05 Jan

Dad and Buried Posted in Blogging 2 comments

My Top Ten Posts of 2014

If you follow my Facebook page, this might be a bit redundant for you. But after two weeks of drinking and eating and drinking and drinking, I barely have the energy to keep my eyes open, let alone write a new post. So I’m milking this “year in review” thing one more time.

2014 was a good year for Dad and Buried. I moved back to Brooklyn after 18 lackluster months below the Mason-Dixon line (they do things differently down there), got a few sponsorship opportunities with which I annoyed half my readers, and increased my exposure by infuriating people who read the Huffington Post.

So to ease myself back into the swing of things, I’m kicking off 2014 with a list of my ten most popular blog posts of 2014.

15 Dec

Dad and Buried Posted in Advice 6 comments

How to Act Like a Child at Work

Children are little terminators.

To quote Kyle Reese, “They can’t be bargained with. They can’t be reasoned with. They don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.” The only difference between my son and Arnold Schwarzenegger in that movie is that my son’s speech is more intelligible. And that Arnold loses. My son never loses.

His commitment to being irrational is so absolute, it’s like living with Andy Kaufman. I honestly can’t tell where the act ends and the real person begins. Or if there even is an act. Or a real person. I’ve never been so uncertain of how to deal with someone in my life.

Which is why I might start acting like a child at work.

10 Dec

Dad and Buried Posted in Charts and Graphs 3 comments

Parenting Reward Chart

A few days ago, we procured a reward chart for our son.

The hope is that by incentivizing his behavior we can train Detective Munch into a decent, reasonable person instead of the feral four-year-old he currently is. Our typical repertoire of threats is neither working nor healthy (nor really stopping because I’m terrible at this new “reward” method!)

So far, it’s been going okay. If he brushes his teeth (without a fight), or goes to bed (without a fight), or eats his dinner (without a fight), or gets dressed for school (without a fight), he can earn rewards like dessert, and TV, and not getting yelled at by a dad who is at the end of his rope.

It got me thinking about what a chart for parents would look like. So I made one.

Dad and Buried

Tag: development

Touch and No

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